Have I spoke too soon?...

Why can't a headache simply be a headache? 

Another week has passed and I am now in week 33! 
This is good news as from week 26 everything has been a little bit tougher. 

Still being monitored every other day. Meds doing their job. Blood work is all showing normal although my ever sustainable protein in my pee still baffles the docs. 

Today hours of waiting to find out what they want to do (again) all tests show normal so off home we go. 

Scan on Friday at Kings as antibodies levels are stable and have not increased. Baby is happy grooving and prodding. So it's been a better medical health week but a straining mental one. 

The hospital have me scared. I have a head ache and feel tired, cold and crappy. They make me feel like, ' this is it' so I do everything they want me to do and find myself feeling no better about it. 
If I'd just laid down as I felt shit I would probably feel better.

When a headache can't just be a headache. 

But trying to stay off the negative train. 

Yesterday my little man Charlie had an awesome 10th birthday. 
He got everything he wanted and more. He thanks everyone that sent birthday wishes, cards and gifts. 
We all has a wonderful day.

So let's hope I have not spoke too soon and I make it through to next week without incident. 

Here's hoping.....

pre-eclampsia

What a week….

Still in and out of hospital. Where to start. I came home on Thursday evening after being admitted into hospital for high blood pressure. Friday I had to visit MAC (Maternity assessment unit) to check on my blood pressure. 30 minutes in – out – brilliant. So the new plan of care started off pretty fine. The community Midwife came out to me Saturday 15 minute BP check, urine – listen to baby in and out. Did jack shit Sunday and Monday. I rested! Back to MAC on Tuesday nice and early quick in and out 40 minute turn around awesome!

Wednesday routine appointment at 9 with diabetic midwife, appointment has been book a week. Feeling pretty good. Want to get in there get out pop into town to do some birthday stuff for my Charlie’s 10^th birthday next week. Got shopping being delivered between 12-1. Looking forward to my ham rolls when I get in!

I wasn’t feeling particularly stressed I was irritated by the wait but no biggie.

Diabetic midwife is Joanne and she lovely she always gives me a cuddle. What can I say I am just a big cuddly lion.

She checks my blood pressure and gives me that look, the look I have seen a few times now. She takes a deep breath and her shoulders slump. 150/100. I roll my eyes and ask her to check it again in a minute. She passes me over to the diabetic consultant. I am in a room with 2 med students, the big cheese diabetic consultant, diabetic midwife and an in training consultant. She started off chatting about my case. My diabetes is under control (yay) the metformin is doing its job. I am doing my best.

I Mentioned I had even lost weight at last week’s weigh in. The consultant mentions the protein in my urine. It is Plus2 again. This seems to be my baseline. I have done a 24 hour urine test to try and work out why the protein is there, even wanted to send me for a kidney scan to check it was not my kidneys failing! Alas, no answers to this riddle other than … pre-eclampsia.

They mention the blood pressure. Diabetic midwife suggests that it be rechecked – manually. She looked at big cheese consultant and he laughed. I laughed too and said, he probably hasn’t taken a blood pressure for 10 plus years! Dave said, he don’t even make his own coffee! So the med student step up lively and asked if it were ok if he tried. Yea sure no problems. Two attempts later 160/100

(Oh fuck)

The Consultant asks about medication for high blood pressure. That is one thing I am not taking medication for. But I was given a dose of labetalol last week when I was in hospital and it worked well. The consultant keeps saying pre-eclampsia and insists I go to MAC.

So off to MAC we go. I pass the screening co-ordinator that I was supposed to see quickly about my funky blood. I sit and wait for a moment and that’s when the headache hits me. Feels like someone hit me in the back of the head with a bat. Feeling a bit sicky and uneasy on my feet. I tell Dave how I am feeling and he can see me looking offish.

We tell the screening coordinator we are going to MAC because of my blood pressure. The lift to the upper floor nearly knocked me off my feet. We walk into MAC it’s packed with people as usual. I tell receptionist that the diabetes consultant sent me up with blood pressure 160/100.  I can barely catch a breath.  She leads me to the toilet and asks me if I can pee. Dave holds me up but soon tells me to sit down. He brings me water. I feel like I am about to fall over. They still need me to pee. Dave comes in and helps me. As we exit the toilet the midwife has me in a side room. I sit on the bed. Then I slowly slip down and lay on the bed. The light is killing me. My head is pounding and the fizzy lights start to dance over my vision with the beat of my pulse. Dave squeezes my hand. My hands are swollen (have they been like that all day?)  I tell him about the fizzy lights.

He tells a midwife. The midwife is in talking to me, then 2 then 3 and then the registrar.

Blood pressure check, 160/110.

They turn the lights off, some relief. Doc writes up for meds for blood pressure and pain relief. I down them. They get a line in my left arm and take a few viles of blood to send off. They tell Dave we are going down to labour ward.

They monitor baby. Steady heart rate not much movement. Head is pounding more. They take me down to labour ward. I close my eyes the whole trip down. I am trying to process what is happening but my head will not ease up enough for me to think straight.

I start to shit myself. My tummy in knots. I cry. I shake. The midwife brings in a bag and a tube. (Oh I know this. Looks like a catheter.)  Yep they want that in side me now to collect my pee.

- This is it, this is really it- I am going down, am I dying? Am I going to go down and have my baby now? Omg omg!!

Blood pressure machine hitting 160/108. Still every 5 minutes it’s pumping up my arm. A moment of silence. I look at Dave, we just look at each other. We both have fear and I grip his hand tighter.

My head gets heavy and the blood pressure machine inflates - then beeps. 150/92. It starts to come down. Then 148/89 and lower and lower and lower. Head still buzzy but nerves and anxiety big and loud. Blood pressure sits at 126/66. The doctor reviews my case. He wants 30 minutes obs and see what happens. I beg for the catheter to be taken out. Missed Phone calls on my phone, voicemails, bollocks!  The shopping is trying to be delivered! The Kids need to be sorted out. The phone reception is shit. No one answering their phones. Dave’s steps out to sort everything out and call my mum. He comes back and we sit talking .I start to feel a bit more myself.

Doctors back. They read off my notes. Doc confirms that I don’t need catheter in any more. (Thank fuck) I wait impatiently for the midwife to slide that bastard out. I get up and go to the toilet. I take a minute for myself. I sit and think what the holy fuck just happened? Baby starts to prod my side. I hold my tummy and let out a little cry of relief. His not coming out now and I am not dying right now. Deep breath.

That is what happened Wednesday. My blood pressure stayed ‘normal’ till 5 pm then started to creep back up. They treated me again with meds and blood pressure went down. I was sitting up eating and joking with the midwife and doc about going home and they let me leave but I had to come back to MAC 9 am next morning for more meds and my OB consultant to review new med plan. And home I went.

Slept like a baby and back to MAC spent all day waiting for Mr OB big cheese to come see us and tell us his happy for me to go home with meds and stay monitored at MAC three times a week until – well as long as I can. As long as the meds are working as long as my health is ok – as long as baby is doing ok.  And so I was sent on my merry way.

Didn’t get up to much today I rested and enjoyed my baby moving around my tummy. I got some paper work down and I figured I would air my head of this week’s drama.

Now I am at MAC tomorrow at 12.30 and now we have free parking at the hospital too. Let’s hopes the drugs keep me in the green for a little while longer. As pre-eclampsia is there lying dormant. Are we waiting for it to rear its head or will it just sit in the back ground……?

To be continued….

Hat off to Max

I declare this round a draw!

No really tipping my hat off to you Max!

I have been released from prison.... Erm I mean hospital! God bless the nurses and Dr.s at maternity!...

However, almost 3 days in hospital and my farts should come with yellow stickers! Too much? Sorry but hospital food! On the ward is awful! But in the restaurant yumm tiddly tumm. Hospital = kuuurrr-chingggg!!

Money money money. Food, car parks, two-ing throwing, kids being taken care of, after school clubs! On and on! So home now! 

Soo news update.....

Consultant drew up a plan of care for all to follow. I am still under 'ultra care' and they are going to follow this plan as long as possible. If they have to intervene before hand they have tried to give baby best chance via meds and steroids. 

They are hoping the plan can stay in place at least till I am 34 weeks. Then they would feel better about delivering baby. Meanwhile just monitoring my health and well being as the lovely lump in my tummy seems to be very well and doing everything to please the Dr.s.

This makes me happy that swaby baby is happy. 

Since being let home I have been monitored and so far blood pressure is being very well behaved. 

I have a handle on my blood sugars. My antibody count has not increased any more since the start of September. Scans show baby is all on track and the antibodies are not harming him right now. This keeps Kings College London happy too. 

The funky blood I have still has some of the midwifes asking questions and the screening coordinator are dig dig digging to find out how it got into my blood. As my getting these antibodies from the blood transfusion I had in 2004 would look bad on them I guess. 

I was advised not to have any more pregnancies after this one. Not only as 4 c sections are dangerous but all my issues make it hard to treat me, as one thing sets off another and so on. I was advised to be sterilised at the same time as c section. 

Omg right? 

They even said to Dave that it would be easier to get him done than me as risk would be lower - unless I had it done minutes after delivery of our baby. 

Massive thing to think about still can't get my head round it!

So I am being looked after at home. Dave has been amazing and my kids too. Both our family support is so humbling I can not thank them all enough for their kindness. I was advised to rest. One set of instructions I plan on following!

Nice restful weekend now. Started at 4.30 this afternoon with a long hot bubble bath, nails painted, lovely long hair brushing and back and neck rub, a cuddle with dave and a lovely big bed to look forward too. Baby giving me sweet little prods from all angles to keep me smiling.

Coming from a very loving and thankful place tonight. 

Be well to everyone and a massive thank you.

Melx 

Max Vs Mel

So... My last post was maybe 2 weeks ago and I can't help but ask myself, is this moment of still and calm a moment to record before shit heads towards me?

As I lay in cedar ward once again for my second consecutive night with my three pillows ( stolen from empty beds of course. )

I stretch out looking at the small tv screen wondering what way the decision will go.

My health and wellbeing are being examined to see if baby and me are to finish this pregnancy in separate places. 

Me - cedar / home

Max - N.I.C.U

I am 31 weeks tomorrow.

They have administered the steroids to help baby's lungs develop. They have scanned baby intensely to check weight (4lbs) and movement, blood flow and general health.

They are juggling my health issues currently. 

They fix one problem and then another appears. It's relentless and I am heavy medicated most of the time as that's how they seem to be trying to solve everything. 

I have 2 kids in school. One in his last year of secondary school. 

I am sitting  in a hospital bed waiting for the drugs to work or fail. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for what happened before. 

Waiting 

Who will win?

Max vs Mel

This feels like a little lose lose no matter how you look at it because as I have stated before I am anything but dull! 

Drama always on the menu

Hugs to all following my journey. 

Anything but dull...

... 

And boring. 

So the first 3 months of pregnancy the most excitement I had was throwing up in bizarre places. I made it through 24 weeks without an issue at my 24 week consultant appointment he said he didn't want to see me till 37 weeks and my midwife could look after me. He even said, "There is no problem- until there is a problem." 

And with that I went on my merry way. Weeks 25 and 26 were uneventful but had a few blood tests and glucose to latency test. As soon as these results came in - everything changed. Within a week I went from no problems to problems at every turn. 

My blood has funky antibodies that could hurt bubba. So off to kings collage hospital in London for more invasive screening and monitoring. 

Gestational diabetes - glucose tolerance was "extremely high" 

Possibility that I had diabetes before pregnancy - but who knows?! 

Blood pressure likes to go up and down. Protein in my pee one hour then none the next. 

So blood tests every week. Scans every week. Every other day at the hospital for 'ultra care' that means I get to go home most days but back up to hospital within a day! My pregnancy history has enough issues with my now 'complex' issues that make me 'interesting'.

I feel that my name is now known in the places I go. I get hugged at most appointments as I look run down by all the two-ing and throwing. Oh and because at some point I was probably awkward and snappy and moody to midwifes on the wards. 

My anxiety has different stages - the first is the moody awkward, short, bitch then I cry like a pansy. 

Then I apologise for myself winning over their hearts. 

Well not all hearts. 

My veins are hard to find. The baby in my belly moves constantly so on the monitor he wriggles off. I take a number of different medications for different reasons. 

Sooo

Another appointment at 9.30 am in the same place I was kept in last week. So fingers crossed I don't get kept in again this week! 

Today I got whopping cough and flu jab - left n right arm and anti D in my right leg. There was 6 people in my consultant’s office catching up on my care plan. 

I am anything but boring