OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW....

New Years Eve (day) I find very depressing. Is this the time where one looks back over the year and wonders where it might have gone, what did one do this year, all the things promised to ones self that  would been done but did not manage to even start doing it? Or does one look back and think, wow what an awesome year one hopes next year is just as great. Did you do anything awesome this year? Thing is, you probably did, but perhaps the instilled notion of looking forward rather than back has some how managed to merely fog over the massive achievements of this year.

Whilst feeling rather melon collie I have managed to forget about what has happened this year. Is it just human nature to simply dwell on the negative shit? Yea, some bad shit has to happen. life!  and sometimes bad shit is going to happen, the level of which that bad shit is, well I can not comment. For me the bad shit, was at the time, huge, massive but looking back now. Not so huge and not so massive.

I can look back and see I have passed 3 exams and 5 assignments. I started my blog and gained confidence in my own writing abilities. And as of tonight I would have posted 100 posts! Yes some maybe be utter nonsense, some funny shit and some serious posts but hopefully entertaining nether the less. yeahhhhh baby! I have over come some person problems. I have learnt to ask for help and admit that I am not coping well. I have accepted It is OK to not be strong and pretend everything is OK. I have become stronger by trying harder. I failed a module but I passed 2 others. I put my heart and soul into some truly person writing and have felt better for it.

I may not have achieved what I set out the year to do, (lose weight and give up smoking) I have seen somethings don’t work and have changed to adapt to what works. I have felt love, pain, joy, a lot laughter, tears and panic. I have shared in others pain, and joys of happiness and have laughed with many. I have lived! I have gone out and took in each minute of each day. I have met some amazing people and I have re connected with others, which I thought were gone forever. Every step of the year was taken with my children and family so yea, fuck it! It has been an 8 out of 10 year. not feeling so utterly shit now!

The New Year scares me, scared of what is to become of me next year. I feel that I have come a long way since last year and change is sometimes hard. I feel I am rather flexible and scared and excited of what is coming. I am invested in my courses and volunteer work but I am going to be returning to full time work this year and I guess that is the main cause of my anxiety. A new adventure, I wish I was better prepared for but It is not happening tomorrow so I still have some time to get myself in the right place, scared or not.

I hope this was not too morbid a rant. New Year is different for most people and I felt like sharing mine with you. I already feel this post has slapped me in the gob and woke me up and has motivated me to get on with my New Years Eve night!

Remembering what I have lost can take its hold. Remembering what I have gained can be seen if I look for it, and remembering what I have around me is what keeps me smiling and hopeful.

To all my family and friends I wish you a happy new year. All the best for 2012 J

INTRODUCING….

Hello to all and I do hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas and everyone is well. My children, family and I had an amazing Christmas. The last 3 days have been wonderful. My children were extremely happy with all their presents and I cried at the gifts that were given to me. Sooo wonderful. Thank you to everyone that made my Christmas so bloody amazing!

For many years I had pondered the idea of getting a pet. I have openly admitted I have not got a great love for dogs, the whole cleaning up dog shit issue, if you missed this blog CLICK HERE... anyway. I have put of getting a pet for many reasons. The same reasons people put of having children I am sure. I have got to a point in my thirties that my children are a little less reliant on me and I feel a void for not being needed so much. Most people that are married or that are in a healthy relationship would choose this point to breed. As for me, that is not going to happen so to fill the void I did follow through on getting a pet. My pet was given to me as a gift. Introducing Holly

Isn’t she a cutie!

She is a fluffy little lovely and she is mine. I first saw her after a few days born and watched her grow until it was time for her to come live with me.

She sits with me next to my mouse on my mouse mat lol While I write and play games on my computer.

Hello Holly J

My Pussy!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Merry Christmas to everyone =o)

WRINKLED

There are not many things I really hate. OK, hate might be a bit strong but definitely loath with a passion. My own definition of loathing is something I don’t particularly enjoy and will avoid by all costs. The first of the two top despises is...; ironing; now this is probably not a shock to most people. The amount of people that I know, that like ironing, I can count on one hand! We’ll come back to the ironing! The other detest is … * drum role* shopping! Yes, I know it is totally unnatural for a woman to hate shopping. I am not a great fan of food shopping and any kind of shopping this time of year fills me with nothing but groans and moans. I don’t mind shoe shopping, yet I still have to be in the mood and right frame of mind for it.

Christmas shopping is once a year and I am thankful for on line shopping and reserve and collect options! They were made for me!

Now being a student of psychology I have come to know more and more about the human psyche. Some ideas of Freud and recent Psychological findings are known across the lands. For example the idea that, the trauma from our childhood, can affect us as adults. You do not need a degree to know this shit.

I do believe, and I am sure my brother will agree with me, that our united detestation for shopping is in fact, all mum’s fault! ( sorry mother) but it is true, hours and hours spent sitting in C&A’s in the Pentagon centre in Chatham. Filling the hours of hot, aching boredom was not so great back when we were kids.  The only fun we had was getting lost and causing our mum to have a conniption fit when she could not find us.

As we both got older our love for shop(lifting) got greater, no need to try it on, no need to line up and  no need pay for it, just grab and run ( please don’t try this at home) Why did we do this? Because we could and because we wanted to! I am not in any way condoning shoplifting, no no no. I am just telling you how it was. Honest! My brother and I met our fate in the end when we got arrested * cough* once or twice. Let’s just say we learnt our lesson. We didn’t get caught after that! As adults my brother and I share the same dislike to simply mooching around the shops. (Ahurgggguu)

Mum used to take us into town every Saturday and she would park behind Allders and we would both be praying for one, that we got something to eat from the baker’s oven and two; mum would not walk into the ladies dress shop. My brother and I would often pull a face at each other in hope she would plainly walk on by. Alas to our own horror (and my dad’s credit card) she never seemed to manage it!

More time sitting waiting for mother, oh and god forbid she buy an outfit that needed shoes, as then we would walk and walk and walk all around shoe shops to find a pair of shoes the exact same shade as the outfit – fun!

That reminds me, those canvassers in the street that used to stop people. My mum always got collared! Sometimes it benefited us kids as something free would often be given out.

Now back to the ironing (shudders) I stood recently ironing my son’s shirts for school. As he asked nicely that they are done. As I stood I thought about when I was a kid. I used to iron my dad’s work and golf shirts and I got paid 20p a shirt. Now how each parent chooses to parent is no business of mine. However, I do hate the idea that the soon to be teenager that I gave birth to, has ME ironing HIS shirts! I pay the boy pocket money; maybe he should either pay ME for ironing HIS shirts! Or he could wear them all wrinkled or learn to bloody well do it himself! There has to be a time where he should be responsible for his own desire to not be a smelly, scruffy smeghead? Or am I being a bitch?  Please send your answers on a postcard to me... thanks…

That concludes today’s mega rant.