LITTLE FEET

Little Feet…

My writing

This content as been removed due to the fact the story ‘little feet’ has been made in to a book.

This book is now on sale.

For the kindle

Amazon

Phone

English 3 (final)

Phone

I take a deep breath before I look down at my mobile phone that sits in the palm of my hand. Slowly I run my fingertips over the keypad to light up the screen. I look and see that the time is now 18.52pm. It has been 48 minutes since he hung up the telephone.

I start to remember the last words he said to me, “You go your way and I’ll go mine.” I have called him six times since and I have left messages asking that he call me back. I want to make things right between us but I know I should give him some time.

An intense wave of emotion washes over me. The ache in my chest moves down into the pit of my stomach but the emotion takes its hold in my chest.

Suddenly I need to remind myself to breathe. I struggle to catch my breath as my thoughts run wild. Is he ignoring me? Will he ring back at all? My heart starts to race and a feeling of panic sets in.

I have to leave him alone and wait to see if he calls me back once he has calmed down. I feel the moisture build in my eyes and I try and blink it back. Wondering to myself how things got to this point, I close my eyes in an attempt to stop my tears from betraying me. However no matter how hard I try, I start to feel the tears fall from my eyes. Slowly the tears roll down my cheeks. I allow myself to really cry. After what feels like hours of crying I slowly open my heavy sore eyes. I right myself by wiping away the tears from my face and clearing my nose.

I take a deep breath before I look down at my mobile phone that sits in the palm of my hand. Slowly I run my fingertips over the keypad to light up the screen. I look and see that the time is now 18.59pm.It has been 55 minutes since he hung up the telephone.

By Melissa Laws

TIME

English 2 (final)

Time

It’s not that I watch so much as I notice. First I see her walking up the driveway in a school uniform. I wave to say hello and that’s the end of it.

Time paces but how much time goes by I do not know.

I see a learner’s car parked outside. One day I see her get in the car and another day I see her getting out of the same learner car. A wave to say hello and that’s the end of it.

Time paces but how much time goes by I do not know.

Then there is a new car on the drive. A small old car, the kind of car a parent might buy their child once they have passed their driving test. I see her drive the old car away, I wave to say hello and that’s the end of it.

Time paces but how much time goes by I do now know.

Then there is a different car on the driveway, shiny, new and sporty looking. I see her getting out of the new car. I smile and I wave to say hello and that’s the end of it.

Time paces but how much time goes by I do now know.

I don't think it’s that I don't see the car on the driveway any more but suddenly I notice it’s not there. Then today as I stand at my front door I see the car but this time it’s parked on the road. I see her walk to the door and knock before she looks for her keys. It is then clear to me that she does not live there any more. I wave hello and that’s the end of it.

Time paces but how much time goes by I do now know.

It’s not that I watch so much as I notice.

By Melissa Laws

I am back

Quality quotes from the weekend

My dad – “So I went on face book…”

Sis-in-law and I… “Ok that sounds so weird you saying that!”

My cousin – “I would just drive round there and clump him.”

Me - “hahahah”

My -mum – “get your tits out...”

Me- “get my what out?”

Mum – “get the chips out!”

Me – “ahhh ok”

Me – “BUUUUURRRRRPPPPP!!!!!”

My friend – “cor I love it, next time do it in my face!”

Me – “hahahah, you sick bastard”

Me – “are you ok?”

The tall one – “hot.”

Me – “ya think?!”

 I am back

So I was debating whether I should post some of my writing on here. I have now decided... ‘Fuck it, why the hell not.’ It’s not like many read it so I feel my safety bubble will not be breached. So I am going to post 2 short silly things I wrote. (The first ones I did show anyone.)  And I will post a few pages of my writing about my account of the run up and birth of my first son, Robert. I know I may seem to go on and on about this but it is something I need to do to help me process some of the events in my life. Guilt and other wonderful things. For those who were with me through it all, there is an emotional connection to the events and a hopefully a massive godly hope. I feel I have been through a tough time and came out the other end. I have my family and a handful of friends to thank for their support and commitment. I don’t suppose the fight of life is in anyway near to the end. I am sure to have to go through some more adventures and difficult times. But for now I feel blessed, for the family I love and the friends I hold dear. I guess I am trying to say thank you in my own fucked up melster way.

So some of my writing, it may seem pointless and lame but it is all work that I need to do in order to finish my book! (Yes I am attempting to write a fictional novel.) It’s been in a process for the last 10 years so don’t get too excited; I have a fair way to go yet. However, I will finish it, even if it’s utter shit.

I will post the writing in new blog (So I look like I blog alot ;) ) 
You can find them in the menu on the right.
'Time'
'Phone'
and 'little feet'


Thank you.. any comments welcome, sometimes I feel like I am talking to myself.

oi you... yea you.. part 2.. my fishy bit

Haha  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ check out my fishy bit…

It should be above this post…

Feed my fish would ya….

Thanks

J

oi you.. yea you....

I thought I would take some time out to tell the kind folk that follow my blog that in Spite having a terribly burnt spam (forehead to them who don’t speakie chav)  I am alive and kicking! I have not got much time to blog my normal, random, nonsense mental health, narcissistic tendencies just now as I have to study… I feel your pain I hear you say… boohoo poor me!

So, I hope you feel better for that! It is Monday and hitting 30 Celsius here in sunny Basildon. The air is sweltering and I can not worship the sun today as it is just too scorching! So I felt the need to get stuck into my study and learn some stuff. I have expressed before that social sciences is something I need to look into for my supported study as a counsellor. (And not the political kind ... LOL haha could you imagine! OMG) Anyway... no..he mental health kind!

But find it a little tedious. For example; I have to have an understanding for the questions like:

Do we consume goods and services for their usefulness or because that good or service is a reflection of our status or (and) identity...

Who are the winners and losers in today’s contemporary UK society...

Are the powerful big chain supermarkets a reason for local stores to close or do they help employment, and help regenerate some down trodden areas…

And so I must learn... I ought to as I have a tutorial tomorrow night and I believe I am expected to know the answers!

And so I tip my sweaty head to you all from my office of stuffiness and will grace you all mid to end of the week… stay cool lovely people J

(Thank you all for your comments and interest of both my blog and the movie I made about my son Robert. Your cheques are in the post ) 

Robert

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krW2sPakkW4

SHIT!!!!

Shit!!!

Ok, so today I had to take a walk to pick up my poorly car from the garage. I have spent the last 4, 5, 6 years driving or being driven around. So it surprised me about how much dog shit was scattered around the paths. They was not joking when they named the path ‘Poo alley’ HOLY SHIT!! (Pun intended)  I side stepped at least 15 piles of dog shit on my 20 minute walk. The thing that sickens me more is that some of that shit was not spitting distance from a dog shit bin! (Sings  ... in the dogshit bin) sorry private joke.

So, why are these dog owners lazy bastards that allow their dog to just simply shit on the path? Is there not a fine in place? Was they not taught that when owning a dog they would have to physically pick up their dogs shit? I know I am not the first person to get pissed off about this. Maybe if I wasn’t a car driver most of the time, this could be seen as an issue that don’t affect me daily. Yet, I may not walk around this area. However, my children do. So if they tread in some shit, and walk that shit in my house, on to my floor, where I have a 10 second rule for food dropage then, hell yea it effects me! (A little deep? HOLY SHIT!! O.C.D. IS contagious!)
 I wonder how many people have wrote a strongly worded letters to the local council asking dog owners to pick up their dog shit. Maybe those who have the luxury of a car (that works) could walk around and take pictures of some dog shit to send to the council. If you could get a picture of some shit next to a pot hole forward it to me and I will claim it as my own. Better yet, a pile of shit, near a pot hole AND next to a dog shit bin! You know that there would be social uproar if the children of the world were allowed to randomly drop a pile. See how those dog owners like it when there is some child’s crap smeared over their pathway!

(P.S, if you feel I am attacking dog owners. I am not... just the ones that let their dog crap on the streets.)

HAVING FAITH

  

Having Faith

On occasion, someone will do something that makes the whole world and everyone init seem shit. Having faith in people is something I try and keep up. Not every person is a selfish twat and not everyone is a cruel nasty bastard. I know this, but now and then, someone throws you a curve ball. Got to make sure you’re ready for them. Without going into too much personal detail. I want to rant about a recent event. It’s difficult to express without betraying trusts. Even though the person hurt me deeply, I wouldn’t name them on here.

I guess the word of the day is SHAME;

•           A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace

•           A great disappointment.

I feel ashamed.

•           Feeling shame or guilt:

•           Feeling inferior, inadequate, or embarrassed:

•           Reluctant through fear of humiliation or shame:

I feel that I didn’t deserve the treatment that I received. I was made to feel all the above. An aspect of who I am was not received well by a person. I was made to feel dead crappy because of their problem with certain aspects. Why are people like that? I know I have to move on, pull my self up, and keep on going. However, it dose not make it any easier when people knock you down. Some of the greatest words even written for a rocky movie:

“It’s not how hard you get knocked down. It’s how fast you get back up.’

So I am getting up. Dusting myself off and starting a new step on my journey of life. I am leaving that person on that old road. As much as it pains me because for this one person I had a lot of hopes and dreams. – Shame!

I am waiting for my car to be fixed today. After driving around for more than 2 weeks with my battery light constantly ON, I figured it would be a good idea to get that checked out. It would appear that I have been very lucky to have not broken down. (Result!) I have 2 wires coming out some plug, some place under my bonnet. Don’t ask me what or where, as I have no idea.

I am also waiting for my parents to arrive home from their get away. Yesterday was father’s day and I struggled all day to forget the fact. I have missed my parents more this time around than ever before. So I am itching to get down and see them!

I have tried to study today. I read a few chapters of the big arse book and I hope some of it sticks. I know my post today is not as up beat and witty as others but I am trying to drag myself back.

Cheer me up someone... please…?

Leave a comment?

Ha!

(You know I was a stubborn child don’t you?)

Oh yea… I did some personal writing about the birth of my son, Robert. I will post some pictures and parts of my writing on here soon. I hope you take the time to read the account from what I remember. My children still amaze me every single day. As Robert grows taller everyday he reminds me, that now he is taller than me. It always makes me smile because of how small he was. You will see from the picture I shall post shortly. I know every parent feels this. I can’t explain it just makes me feel ‘blessed.’ 

ME AND MY BOYS

DREAMLESS SLEEP

Dreamless sleep

After 22 minutes of deep meditation I managed to fall off to sleep like an exhausted fully fed baby. I had many hours of dreamless sleep. Now this for me is rare and very welcomed. As I have been known to have some well to not put to finer point on it ‘some fucked up dreams.’ they are vivid and seem very real. One time whilst I was married, I woke up from a dream where he had left me. Me being me, I woke up and hit him! Poor bastard didn’t know what to think, we divorced, not because of the dream! But anyways…

Dreams, I have a morbid curiosity for understanding dreams. I have done and still do now have dreams where my teeth fall out. No shit! I hear you say... yes shit! They just fall out. Now I have had this dream so many times that while I was dreaming the ‘omg my teeth are falling out’ (hand under my chin while my palm fills up with teeth and blood) I actually had the thought “I am dreaming this, I will wake up in a minute,” I didn’t wake up from the dream within a dream but I did wake up thinking holy shit! Now it says the dream of loosing teeth is connected to vanity, (HA) and that it is a subconscious worry about what ever looks I have. It is also connected with age again – vanity.

Which to a point, I can understand. When I was 14 I had fixed braces on my top teeth and did not smile for 18 months. I was very aware of my smile and my mouth when talking to anyone. So I did realise early on that teeth do have a big part to play in your face. The one thing everyone looks at first. So yes I can understand that loosing my teeth would worry me and effort how people see me.

So On further analysing dreams I came up with my own theory. Probably a theory already proven by some smarty pants some place but here is mine.

Dreams =Déjà vu.

The definition for déjà vu is – noun, illusion of having already experienced present situation.

Sounds fair to me…that feeling of ‘I have been here before.’ ‘I have said that before.’ ‘I have said that to you before.’ ‘I think I know what is going to happen next.’ that is a total feeling of déjà vu.

So back to the point, I was in a ‘relationship’ with a certain unnamed prick. In my dream my Subconscious predicted his responses to the argument /discussion I was having with him. The subconscious is one clever bastard I can tell you! Anyway... not long after the dream but long enough for me to forget it. I had an argument /discussion with this unnamed prick I mean partner and low and behold his responses where a tad familiar! My subconscious was spot on. So I think ok…

I am talking to my mum = who I have spoke to all my life

In her kitchen that I have been in for over 20 yrs

Talking about people we have known for decades or emotional we have felt 100’s of times.  And I get a sense of déjà vu? Shocker really, why wouldn’t I? Maybe it is a random event that all them factors line up at the exact same time and place causing a familiar (illusion of experiencing the situation) situation!

I hear you say no no no, what if you experience déjà vu with someone you have not met before in a place you have never been before... I hear you I do and I say back... the subconscious or more to the point your subconscious!!! You mean you have not dreamt of meeting someone new? In a place you have wanted to go that maybe you have not imagined a place so vivid in your mind, books postcards, pictures? Come on you can dream and dream and never know it then when its happening you feel all awash with déjà vu... seriously is there really a big surprise here?

I think not… so I take you to my favourite place of quotes… my absolute favourite show on the planet. Sex and the City.

Sex And The City Season 2 Episode 7 The Chicken Dance

So in this particular episode Miranda is holding her friend Jeremy a party in which he announces his getting engaged. While the girls all sit outside talking, a hunky bloke talks up to them and asks where the party is, Samantha jumps up and insists on escorting the handsome man to the party. The next day she sits down at the coffee shop with the girls and declares that she has to get married now, then continues on to say

‘We go back to my place, we are fucking and he says ‘grab my hair, grab my hair!’ Samantha has this =o/ look on her face she holds his head in her hand and says ‘I’ve slept with you before?’ he replies ‘yea about 15 years ago.’  

Carrie narrates that Samantha was having a déjà fuck.

‘Why the hell didn’t you say something’ she asked

‘I thought you were playing the sexy stranger game’ he replies. So she declares she is officially out of men to fuck. And says ‘I will have to get married or move.’  (LOL)

Later on at the wedding between Miranda’s friends, Samantha refers to the guy as her ‘rerun’ hahaha ‘déjà fuck’

Come on… tell me you don’t think that’s funny?

Ok ok ok the girl stands alone!

That’s my mini thought for today… my head is full of all sorts of nonsense, no wonder I dream such far out dreams….

TESTS AND EXAMS

Tests and exams

Is a pass a pass? Really? I can not help but wonder. This week I have received the results for 2 exams and an OU assignment.  Can safely say I passed all 3. However I skimmed one for sure, I barely passed. I can take full responsibility for that as my mark reflected my interest and commitment to the assignment; I put in half the effort I am lucky I passed. I would be more pissed if I had put in 100%.

But is skimming the pass good enough? I am sure I am not alone in thinking there are people who drive that passed their driving test that should not be on the road or near a car. I am sure there are Doctors that passed their medical exams yet seemingly full short when doing their job. And Lawyers those passed their Barr exam and do more harm than good.

So, I ask is as pass a pass? What if, the point in allowing mistakes could then be the most critical mistakes to be made?

I can not help but wonder about this. Is it a failed system  that I have felt the advantages of this time? I don’t like the idea that I could just skim the pass rate.

I should be feeling elated that I passed all 3 things that I set out to achieve this year. I have felt happy and smiled and laughed about my successes. I have felt proud of my self so why now do I doubt it all.

I am menstrual! Fucking periods, I swear I am being punished for not experiencing any kind of child birth pain or labour. Lol

Anyway, back on the books tomorrow and making an extra effort to not skim the grade. Trying not to dwell on stupid shit and be positive.  Yoga and meditation are needed for me tonight. I wonder how many other people have tried that and find it a good way to get centred.  That’s all for now....

Tuesday... blah cussing Blahh...

Having had the books out today I feel mentally stimulated, I even learned some new words! So I am all caught up on the study front. I even got a chance to do a practice test for my up and coming exam on Saturday. I then was flowing and wrote a silly thing about a street (In an assignment I have to write about a street I know) perhaps that will help anyone reading get the joke! Anyways. Nervous about College tonight for some reason but a teeny bit excited at the same time. I was happy to say the least when I read that the day school is only one day and not four! So now I can pick one closest to me and not think about a track to Norwich!

I got ahead of myself today and tried to enrol on a course that starts in September .. To be told I have to wait until Monday!

Still waiting for exam results... Still excited to read the results!

I caught up on my sleep from the amazing weekend and feeling good.

I am feeling kind of random now chatting utter bollocks but hey ho….

Today I was driving home from the school run when this kid rode her bike across the road without looking. I was only going 20mph but still stupid Pratt could have got herself mangled. It really pisses me off that they just cross the junction without looking. Again … anyway… this is the little stupid thing I wrote about a street today… I found it amusing… only because I wonder what my tutor would say!

There is a street called Coitus Carnal in a town called Sex. This town is relatively small compared to some towns. The street Coitus carnal is the main part of the town. The street is situated between a river and a waste disposal site.  The street is fairly quiet during the day. The street Coitus Carnal comes alive at night, having lots of fascinating attractions. The weather in Sex seems to be season as like most towns. Seeing some dry spells along side its wetter times. The street is well kept and on occasion has many visitors, some come and go quickly, some stay for a period of time and some remain residents for a very long time. It is safe to say that the street has the normal inequalities as do most streets. What one person might find an inequality another might find a quality. This is one thing I have learned on my travels of Coitus Carnal. One of the most prominent inequalities is the odour that drifts over the street from the waste disposal site. Sometimes there is much activity there that can sometimes impinge on the normal goings on in the street.

And that’s all there is for now ….

Diploma Dilemma...

Diploma Dilemma

I can not help but feel regret. I was going to do a psychology course that started in June this year but was advised against it by some cat on the phone. So I signed onto social sciences. Big mistake. I would have enjoyed psychology more as it is a real interest to me. This course although has interesting points and views is not really tweaking my intellectual nipple! I am 4 weeks in and unable to change even if I wanted to. I will have to just mosey on with this course. It will touch on some psychology later on and I look forward to that. Oh the power of hindsight!

What an amazing weekend! Sunny sun sun Saturday... pissy rainy rain on Sunday. I still had a good weekend. There were a lot of other things happening that had my concerns but I was able to relax and enjoy some personal company on Sunday. A meal and a movie and where did that 10 hours go? You know when you’re where you want to be when you have no concept of time. * sigh* feeling rather knackered today but smiling all the same.

Kids are back to school, only 6 weeks till the end of the school year.

There is so much on my mind but nothing flowing out my fingertips. Only happy thoughts and a very strong ‘can’t wait for my bath and bed’ feeling.’ Signing off for now….

Sunny dayz

I am getting slightly annoyed with this whole hay fever bull- shit! I can breathe then I can’t. I swear there is some kind of cosmic karma here I know it. I am now taking tablets daily so I don’t feel like dog crap! I feel shattered though... is that normal? I hate hay fever and have found a new empathy for those who suffer year in and year out. I must say when I was out the other night I was constantly blowing my nose. I must have looked well attractive with some tissue stuck to my nose.

I had a good day today with some family. Got some lovely sun burn! All that time I spent roasting my flesh so I didn’t have strap marks, has just gone to shit as now I have 2 very white lines over my shoulders.

An Early night for me and the chunky one, we are off to the zoo tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing and NOT smelling the animals. I may not take anti histamine tomorrow just so I don’t have to smell the elephant crap!

Almost pissed myself this morning when I received a letter from the College! I thought OMG results! But no... It was just a reminder for my next exam, next Saturday. I then thought if it were results I may have had a few more texts from other College students cheering textually about it all. I am excited to get my results! I am excited about many things at the moment ;)

Sending big hugs and kisses to my family friends, and the ‘special ‘people in my life, that may or may not read this. Wishing everyone good health and happiness... Be safe you lovely people! … I’ll be back with more real soon…

Today is a new day....

Without sounding all ' chicken littleish' I do feel that today ... is a new day. So much can change in a matter of days. The last 48 hours have been pretty cool ( understatement) I feel smiley!
I was told recently that I often feel insignificant and that I tend not say things as I feel no one wants to hear what I have to say. Now them who know me best may just disagree and may even say you can not shut me up. However I feel the person that made the comment see something true in me. I am from a place where my opinion dose not really count.. why... because I do not have a penis. I am not attacking my up bringing at all I feel this way of living is old fashioned. So with that in mind I figured all the stupid, pointless, random, bullshit I think and feel I could send out into cyber space. yay least then, my over active mind can take in all my study of other people's behaviour and why the world is the way it is. I will be posting my own thoughts and theories.. so stay tuned!