MARRIAGE, DIVORCE & KIDS

It would be foolish to think that the ideal family still has one mum and one dad and they live in one house. Where dad goes to work and mum works now and then. She cooks a meal every night that everyone seats at a table and eats while discussing their day's events.

What are we - the frigging waltons?

In this day and age, the age of the selfie, where divorce is common, TV has a pause button, and Jeremy Kyle! Where almost everyone has internet or uses the net for something. Where you can't do anything without someone holding a phone up recording it. Where TV glorifies '16 and pregnant'!

in my teens it was '16 and pregnant? Run! Run fast before my dad comes and cuts off my boyfriends balls!'

Times have changed and ideals have drastically changed. Granted not everyone's morals, beliefs, religion or principals are the same but some of the 'old ways' have marched on into today's life's and some got f*cked off at the first opportunity.

I guess I feel like I am in the next generation. Where I see what was and what is now. Perhaps because I am a parent. One can not help but compare my kids lives to my own at their age.

So is it in this that parenting is where the torch is handed over?

You either follow on what was shown to you or you really don't. Or do you  pick bits you like to carry on and adios the ones that don't suit you?
I get that people did 'things' in the 'old times' that were devious and dangerous. I know I did! But as those people grew up to have their own kids I could hear,  'well I did it when I was their age so I can't really say anything.'
Wait really? Is that one of the reason some morals and principals are over looked?

Anyway,

I can feel myself wince when asked or having to declare that my children have different dads. Does it matter that I had the big church wedding where my father walked me down the aisle in the May? Where my parents and family supported and helped us when I fell pregnant in the July after?!
The fact that as marriages go, people grow and not two days after our sons 1st birthday I was calling my parents to pick us up so he could have time to move out.
Yea don't do that btw, I came home to my home and it looked like I had be robbed! I was 'lucky' he left the washing machine!

Anyway. Does it matter that it was 6 years later I got remarried and then had my second child?
That ended 8 years ago and I divorced once again. 10 years on I figured bollocks to getting married before I had my third child! I did it all 'right' before, the 'old way' marriage then kids and that went wrong. So I said I'll do it all wrong going backwards this time! So it goes right!

Why do I feel the judgment and need to justify myself?  The 'old way' society has me conflicted.

So my kids trot off to daddy's most weekends. the kids do come home with some we did this or that, or we didn't do anything. A week or so ago I had the thought about 'dads weekend' code. Should it be, 'what happens at dads, stays at dads?' Or should the kids inform mummy dearest of the ins and outs of daddy's life with his kid(s)? It got me thinking a little. Where might the line be on this one? I mean I wouldn't like the kids sitting there telling their dad, 'mum did this mum done that!'

No one likes to be judged especially when you have an ex whom you share parental responsibilities with and one of the failures in that marriage was parenting differences.
It's hard to gain advice on this when there is still a stigma attached to divorce and parted parenting. It feels like people are still learning and adjusting to the idea of not everyone has one mum, one dad, living in one house. All sitting at the dinner table discussing their day's events.

I know this post has kinda just died as I sit on my question mark. I guess I just wanted this out of my head.
Off for some soup and French bread as I am rocking my late 30's like a boss!

Happy Friday my lovelies

Mel x

COOKING TO IMPRESS

We all have some culinary skills in some form or another at times. We all have some dishes that have been mastered to perfection! But why? Who are we trying to impress exactly? 2/3/4 kids that couldn't give a hootnanny how, where or how much time, money or effort you have put into it or the gather of ingredients, prepping and dishing up a suburb master piece. No!
Is it a narcissistic need to impress ones self? Is it for personal gratification? I have cooked for myself only and have put some serious effort into it. Was I trying to impress myself ?
Anyway.
Not to offend but my dad is a fussy git. Now not a little fussy. The embarrassing guy at the restaurant poking at the crap that had the audacity to venture to the plate in front of him kinda fussy! So fussy! and I have watched my mum chop and change to his likes and more often his dislikes over the years. I often thought mum was a fool for bending over backwards to my dads fussy pallet! - but my mums cooking is superb! I love my mums cook ups and I am not alone in this! She has cooked for many and lots of those have all said they do like how my mum cooks. Well done mum!and thank you!

I guess unknowingly I took on this sort of OCD in cooking perfection and thus spent time mastering certain dishes. I feel that cooking is a mental attitude. The wanting it to taste the bees knees, look the bees knees and be spoke about and of course wanting someone, people or anyone to say, "oh my glory days that was soooo yummy!" Or " that is the best I have EVER tasted!" 
Ha right!
I knew the day the cook challenge was on when it was the first year I invited mum and dad to my house for the Christmas dinner. I admit I was nervous and felt anxious to please my fussy dad. I can safely say I did well. I remember a time my dad didn't really like eat anything other people had made. So when my dad tasted my lasagne and was requesting it many times afterwards, I thought I was the God of all lasagna in the land. Amazing really, my dad hasn't been the only one that has praised my cooking so again - thanks mum :) 

So having this narcissistic need to be  Basildon's next best cook makes cooking for kids pretty crap. They are miserable little sods that can not be pleased. So instead of cooking up the top notch food. I find myself doing a slightly lesser effort, quality and costly version and you know what? it's more in my head that I know I have not used a certain brand or meat quality that makes me think, 'it's not going to be nice.'  Surprised I was, that it still cuts the mustard! You can't always cut corners with some quality products but these days it has to be done. So even though it wasn't the elite dinner I have programmed myself to cook. It was still pretty nice and cheaper and it didn't take as long! 

I wonder if this cheese stands alone? 




Mel x