It would be foolish to think that the ideal family still has one mum and one dad and they live in one house. Where dad goes to work and mum works now and then. She cooks a meal every night that everyone seats at a table and eats while discussing their day's events.
What are we - the frigging waltons?
In this day and age, the age of the selfie, where divorce is common, TV has a pause button, and Jeremy Kyle! Where almost everyone has internet or uses the net for something. Where you can't do anything without someone holding a phone up recording it. Where TV glorifies '16 and pregnant'!
in my teens it was '16 and pregnant? Run! Run fast before my dad comes and cuts off my boyfriends balls!'
Times have changed and ideals have drastically changed. Granted not everyone's morals, beliefs, religion or principals are the same but some of the 'old ways' have marched on into today's life's and some got f*cked off at the first opportunity.
I guess I feel like I am in the next generation. Where I see what was and what is now. Perhaps because I am a parent. One can not help but compare my kids lives to my own at their age.
So is it in this that parenting is where the torch is handed over?
You either follow on what was shown to you or you really don't. Or do you pick bits you like to carry on and adios the ones that don't suit you?
I get that people did 'things' in the 'old times' that were devious and dangerous. I know I did! But as those people grew up to have their own kids I could hear, 'well I did it when I was their age so I can't really say anything.'
Wait really? Is that one of the reason some morals and principals are over looked?
Anyway,
I can feel myself wince when asked or having to declare that my children have different dads. Does it matter that I had the big church wedding where my father walked me down the aisle in the May? Where my parents and family supported and helped us when I fell pregnant in the July after?!
The fact that as marriages go, people grow and not two days after our sons 1st birthday I was calling my parents to pick us up so he could have time to move out.
Yea don't do that btw, I came home to my home and it looked like I had be robbed! I was 'lucky' he left the washing machine!
Anyway. Does it matter that it was 6 years later I got remarried and then had my second child?
That ended 8 years ago and I divorced once again. 10 years on I figured bollocks to getting married before I had my third child! I did it all 'right' before, the 'old way' marriage then kids and that went wrong. So I said I'll do it all wrong going backwards this time! So it goes right!
Why do I feel the judgment and need to justify myself? The 'old way' society has me conflicted.
So my kids trot off to daddy's most weekends. the kids do come home with some we did this or that, or we didn't do anything. A week or so ago I had the thought about 'dads weekend' code. Should it be, 'what happens at dads, stays at dads?' Or should the kids inform mummy dearest of the ins and outs of daddy's life with his kid(s)? It got me thinking a little. Where might the line be on this one? I mean I wouldn't like the kids sitting there telling their dad, 'mum did this mum done that!'
No one likes to be judged especially when you have an ex whom you share parental responsibilities with and one of the failures in that marriage was parenting differences.
It's hard to gain advice on this when there is still a stigma attached to divorce and parted parenting. It feels like people are still learning and adjusting to the idea of not everyone has one mum, one dad, living in one house. All sitting at the dinner table discussing their day's events.
I know this post has kinda just died as I sit on my question mark. I guess I just wanted this out of my head.
Off for some soup and French bread as I am rocking my late 30's like a boss!
Happy Friday my lovelies
Mel x
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