we've only just begun

So the wedding prep is in full effect and frustration and sleepless nights have begun! 

Every now and then I hear myself say it will be fine, just concentrate on the dress and turning up and trust that the food will be nice, that the hall will look great, that the photographer will turn up and that people will actually turn up. but then I think.. if they don't, fuck it. I will be married to the love of my world and let's face it, that is all that will matter on that day. If people want to enjoy it with us they will, if they come and moan about presentation or variety of foods then let them.  ( middle finger )

  We are trying to keep things simple but it is easy to get swept up in all the fantasy so we have been trying to not lean to much in tradition. Many might already know I have been married before... in 1998! so a few 18 years ago!! My family and I organized an amazing wedding day. I then had a low key 'marriage' in 2003 wow - 13 years ago! That seemed like a good idea at the time! 

I am not taking anything away from those relationships but on some level I was hoping for something that I knew deep down was not right.  

I am 37, I will be 38, 2 days before our wedding day. I know what I know and I know this is it, this is real, this, this is my life, my world and everything fits like the last piece of the puzzle. (aww gush)

In prep for the wedding, I started to lose weight. Some part of it was due to the fact I would be wearing a dress and I didn't want to look like a potato..but my diabetes was not in order either. I was doing OK on my own, losing weight here and there. The meds they gave me upset tummy a lot and I guess that was a good and bad thing. I joined slimming world on the 3rd February and have stuck to the plan since. I am only half a pound away from 3 stone. 41 and a half pounds! ( go me!) I can feel it, I can see it, but basically I have just lost what weight I have gained before, during and after my pregnancy with Max. my post natal depression after Max was worse than I thought it could ever be and lots of changes had to happen to get me out that horrid hole. It took some time and a few changes in meds but  we got there. Feeling stronger than ever.   ( GRINZZ)

My other two boys are off on camping trips soon, one to France and one to Wales! So lots of adventures coming up for them and of course, the start of a new secondary school in September! Now that will be another post!  

So for now, take care and hope I don't get to be away so long next time. soon I'll be a Mrs. :)

Let the adventure begin. <3

Melxx

I am sure I saw a fucking orb

I am sure I saw a fucking orb. In fact I thought I felt someone there, watching me all evening! The flash I saw!.... the... orb... I..observed! I noticed it in my peripheral vision to my left at the door of my bedroom. I was standing facing the draws. It was quick and bright.....Just Like the flash you see on an iPhone...That might happen to have that feature turned on. It didn’t move it just kind of flashed once... I sat for a moment thinking... But there are no phoned up here. There is no metal on the floor that could be reflecting light either...! I am sure I saw a fucking... orb!

I felt them there, behind the door. I sensed that someone could see me!... I even kept my towel up after my bath because I felt like someone might be watching me. Even though I was totally alone in the house. Well not quite alone but a 2 yr old don’t count and I knew exactly where he was. I sat on the bed thinking..... I am sure I saw fucking orb!

It was just then, as I was slipping my leg into my PJ bottoms.... I noticed the orb again. My heart quicken. I felt alert, excited..... Then I noticed the TV was on behind me. Then it all started to make sense. I started to rationalize it all..... There was no fucking orb! I was stoned and was being paranoid!... I was waiting for my daughter to come in. 
That’s why I was coy about the towel after the bath. That’s why I was thinking about someone seeing me! ..  oh and the flash of light? The.... TV! It became apparent that it was time to lay down...!! What was I thinking? But then again.....I am sure I saw a fucking orb!