The corner

I am
Drawn to it. I stand there often. I feel comforted when I stand there to talk. But it's not just me. Most people that walk in to that room will go for the corner.
I used to stand there and had to move every time someone wanted to get in the fridge. My arse was that big.

Well I can safely, comfortably say I can slip in that little bastard nicely now and I don't have to move when people need to open the fridge!

#motivated

Location:Essex baby

ARSEHOLE

So this is going to make me look like a right arsehole. I've been hoovering over my SlimmingWorld plan for a couple of weeks and no surprise I had a stale few weeks. I am finding it hard. I am just about in side #*stone and I just keep hovering there going up and over and then back again! Getting fucked off. 

I started to hit back hard and going 100% on plan. To my stunned shocked surprise a few days on plan didn't wipe out my naughtiness. Started to feel that 'giving up' speech coming. 

Then tonight I get a little surprise that has be thinking more and more about target/goal. So in an arseholey attempt to motivate myself I drew this.....

I drew balloons! 

I drew a ladder!

I counted out the stones! 

I coloured them in! 

As I sat back to look at it I could see my entire psychological mind set. Can you see it?? 

Look at the sharp bends in the ladder - struggles in my diet perhaps. Look at the names on the last 3 balloons. My kids to motivate me to go the last bit! 

Even the colours for the first 5 balloons scream at me! 

Anyway I am trying to get my head back in the game. I see great things for 2017. :) 

Blog

So I get a lot of ideas at night but have no place to write them to I am testing new app


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:In my bed

YOU

You, you died. I don’t know when you died or how. You, I don’t know when you are being put to rest. You, I don’t know the name of your kids. You, you probably wouldn’t know me in the street. You, you don’t even have me on your friends list on Facebook. You, you died and yet I feel sadness for you passing. You, I knew you once and part of me wants to say 'us' and 'we'  here too and you knew us. You, you were at both of our weddings. You, you drove me crazy and I you but You, you drove a mini. You, you were one of our coolest mates. You, you had house speakers in your mini making it a two seater. You, you made me sit with my feet up because of the speakers! You, I always knew you would excel in everything you'd do.  You, you and me have not spoke to you for many many years but will miss you? You, maybe I'll miss knowing you were happy and living. You, you fucking died! You, you are to young to go. You, you'll be missed. You, you have changed lives. You, you have touched lives. You, you touched my life.You, you died. I don’t know when you died or how. You, I don’t know when you are being put to rest. You, I don’t know the name of your kids. You, you probably wouldn’t know me in the street. You, you don’t even have me on your friends list on Facebook. You, you died and yet I feel sadness for you passing. You.

FOOD ATTITUDE

So I've been thinking a lot about diet and exercise and well, just being more aware of my own eating habits. The only problem with this, is of course I then start to examine peoples around me. Then it dawned on me! Big no no people. Keep your nose out! Nothing is more irritating to someone when  your food consumption is lowered. it is noted, ' can you eat that stuff.' Or ' oh well you can't eat much anymore can you.' Well firstly yes and I can still make a massive pig of myself, trust me! 

My whole relationship to food has changed. There is still some demons in there tho. Emotions are still massively connected to food. Feeling a bit low? Fuck it I am eating this. Angry eating. I don’t need to dwell too much on this as I think most people understand the connection. Before I would eat because I was happy, content. I lost weight when I was low and down.' Being a miserable cunt made me slim' I can see the daily mail picking it up now! 

Why is different this time? A question a lot of dieters ask themselves.

It’s the attitude to food. Find myself forgetting what time it is, or it not registering that it's dinner time. Seriously my two oldest boys are the ones that remind me it's time to eat. Again, many have also gone all day without thinking about food. Then eating food is about just getting something in your tummy. So fast but low fat dinners that taste pretty good make that inconvenience go away. 

Being on medication makes me, make a point of eating and again fruit, yoghurts and snack bars are to hand to end the need for food to take meds. 

Being diabetic the big one. I have to eat or by blood sugar goes too low and I feel weak, dizzy and can pass out. Don’t eat foods to high in sugars or carbs or you can start to feel ill, headache, blurred vision and possible vomit. Body starts to react differently to food. I used to be able to eat that shit all day long, but not it makes me sick when I eat it! I can't eat too much or I feel sick. And have often been sick due to not stopping when I've felt full. When you, ' hit the wall' I leave food on my plate now. It's bizarre! 

If I told you to look at food like it's your ex, would it explain the love, hate relationship between us. It loved me and I got fat. Not I don’t want to be fat its being a dick and making me ill. So we limit our contact and deal with each other on the days and times that we need to deal with each other. But now I pull the face like your husband just reminded you we need to pop to someone's house. You know the look, the oooof really do I have to? Can't I call in sick... kinda look 

That is where I am at. I no longer sit and plan what cunning delights I was going to enjoy. I now plan my shop to be able to have food readily available to eat or cook that allows me to follow a healthy eating plan that don’t, a make me fat or b make me ill. I kinda hate 'food' for everything it has done to and for me. Strange as it was always me that made that choice to eat it. But I can ghost 'food' for being a part of it. 

I used to love my food. And here and there I do. But basically now it's just a source I need to function and live out my days. I eat to live, not live to eat. I gotta food attitude!