80's Essex girl

You know you are old when you can have a 1 hr chat just by saying - I was thinking about the first mobile phone I had.
.... your mind goes back there. I used to say, "what's the point of having a mobile phone? You'll only get calls from other people that have a mobile, no one I know has a mobile!"
Ha look at us all now...
God if I could go back and show them what they got coming their way!
Of course times have changed and we allow sex, crude and funny into our living rooms so much faster now.
Think of the last thing you see on tv that offended you! Its probably been a while but that thing that offended you now would of been banned back in the 80's and 90's.
Remember knowing someone that was offended by benny hill? Ha seems not as crude as you thought back then.
Xr2's escorts, Sierra, orian ghia, xr3i, four gears, metros, keeper rings, perms, Filofax! Motorola flip phone!
Essex girl jokes!......






What is the worst thing about having sex with an Essex girl? The bucket seats.


How do Essex girl brain cells die? Alone.

What did the Essex girl customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)? "'Debbie'.... That,s cute, what did you name the other one?".

How do you amuse an Essex girl for hours? Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

What do Essex girls do for foreplay? Remove their underwear.

Why did the Essex girl drown? Someone stuck a scratch & sniff at the bottom of the pool.

An Essex girl is in a car accident, the paramedics arrive to find the Essex girl covered in blood, the paramedic asks "where are you bleeding from?" The Essex girl replies "Romford".

Being that Essex girl in the 80's still haunts me! Some people still make Essex girl jokes! Maybe they didn't get the email about Essex girls being gansta and you'd get cut now lol now that's a Essex girl joke :)

Location:Essex!

Internet age

Ok so if I had any idea how to, I'd make a question app thingy. Giving you your internet age. You know those things that pop up on FACEACHE, 'what Star Wars character are you.'
Well like that. So you would get a certain amount of points for answering questions that a formula would calculate your internet age. Example
Question.

Did you have to get a second line in the late 90's because dial up murdered you landline?
Answers
Yes (20 points)
No (10 points)
What's dial up (0 points)

Question
When someone says their 20meg upload is slow do you look at them in disgust?
Answer
Yes! (30 points)
No (10 points)
Eh? (0 points)

Question
How often do you site and watch you tube?
Answer
Never (30 points)
When I am sent a link (10 points)
Daily (0 points)

These three questions would start to determine your actual age and adds points to give you a 5-15 years old
16-25 years old
26-38 years old

So all you guys that ain't owned a computer or laptop till the late 2000's age would be like kids! Ha! Compared to a older more mature internet user. Ha how old would you be? How old would I be?
A dinosaur!
A dinosaur : You know those people you all were calling 'sad' or 'obnoxious' !!
Hahaha
How many of you hypocrites been told, 'can you put your phone down?!' Or ' tablet or laptop or computer? While your device is connected 24/7 to your fibre optic broadband.
Funny how that works.

So yea the app you give you an internet age.

The idea of this came about when I said something is boring on line.
When you have been looking at a screen for as long as me and someone is moaning about 'lag' or 'crappy net' I thought to myself, fuck off it used to take over an hour to download a 1meg music file. Sometimes longer! Oh and and and (lol) some of us were paying 1p a minute for that delight! That might not sound a lot but the 'dial up' was pretty unstable so getting connection you kinda clung to it and stay connected! Those 56k dial up modems were top knotch back when the internet was born.

I'd be a dinosaur! Been looking at the internet for many years. Seen how it changes people.

Some stuff is so boring!

Maybe I am just getting old!!





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Question one, Amy

I was sat in a room that had blue walls and doors. So blurry eyed it didn't look like there was an exit. I heard the door handle, which was also blue. Pale blue, the kind you would find new born boys wearing.

The voice that came from behind the door was... familiar but couldn't place it. Clearly a man tho!
"Two people." He said slowly.
I tilted my head and the words fell out my mouth, "Jesus and Amy wine house." My voice sounded funny as I finished.
"Jesus Christ? And Amy wine house?" He asked just to confirm.
"Yea." I smiled.
The one big circular light flickered and the room went dark.
"Erm..." I start. Just then the light was back on. I look around and see two chairs to my left. I move back. There weren't there just now?! Oh I must be high.
I close my eyes and right myself. My eyes open and I see brown leather slip on loafers in front of me. Next to them I see a pair of black peeptoe high heels. My head whips up to see Amy winehouse sitting, legs crossed leaning forward with a joint in her left hand and a plastic cup in the other. She was nodding and smiling. Couldn't help but smile back. Words couldn't leave me I was just bolted to the chair staring. She passes the joint to me as she blows out a huge puff of smoke. I take the joint from her. I take it to my lips and take a long drag. What's the worst that could happen? I felt like, this is not right but felt ok?
As I blow out a puff of smoke my eyes land on Ryan Reynolds long lost half brother! Amy drew in a breath.
"Who are you then mate?"
I looked at his face as he coolly turns her head to her and looks her in the eyes. Her face changed and she looked happy.
"Jesus."
He spoke, slightly low but deep and rugged but I heard him ok.
He turned back to me and looked at me as he crosses his legs and pulled the sleeve of his blue v neck Superdry long sleeved top.
"Hang on." I blurt out. My hands shot up to my mouth to stop myself from talking.
"Yea?" He said
I couldn't stop it! The words were floating out my mouth and my hands were not moving.
"Yea, you don't look like Jesus ennit?! What the duck are they? Prada shoes?!" I laughed and looked up at the light. I must be high as fuck. Ahh fuck it? Just go with it! What would you ask these two? I pressed into my temple.
Boom it was there.
I turn to Amy, I smile and ask,
"If you could do it all again or come back, would you do it all differently?"
..........
He lets out a sigh and turns his wrist to check his watch.
"Dude, what do you need a watch for?"
"Is that your question?" He snapped.
"No!" I retorted. "You just sit tight ok I want to talk to her." Trying not to laugh, and feeling a hot flush building up in my face.
He sits back and crosses his arms. I look at her and she smiles and leans in closer......


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone