Wednesday, 28 September 2011

EGG FIGHT

Being a grown up sucks big fat hairy balls. I got thinking about things I would really love to do. But alas as a fully fledged adult – parent. Examples must and should be set. Always with the rules! I can not be the only one that wants to break free from being an adult with a massive shoulder of responsibilities? How does one find an outlet to simply fuck around like a child and blatantly disregard the rules? I sometimes speed as it makes me feel like I am being naughty. I am sure I am not the only one that does that! I used to think to myself, 'Oh man, I'm so glad I am not a teenager in this day and age. I would get eaten alive if I did today the same shit I pulled I did when I was kid.’  I also used to say, ‘I was lucky to get out alive.’ However, I now think that society is lucky I am not a carefree teenager in this day and age. The reason for this thought is because I used to do pretty much what I wanted. As an adult the reason I don’t do stupid, random fucked upthings are because of my responsibilities as a parent. So this is how my mind worked on this particular day. I will remind you I am in my early 30’s and the person whom I was with is also the same age. We grew up together, so the children like tendencies are still very much alive.

So, I'm standing in Tesco,with my cousin, having a discussion about the price and size of eggs. I like big eggs me! Bigger the better. I don’t mind paying more for them. I hate the cheapo nasty value eggs. So I am opening box after box checking the eggs (like you do) I pull out a really massive egg and hold it up to my cousin and say, ‘Cor I bet that hurt’ giggles. At this point I look up and down the isle and wonder to myself, ‘What would happen if I threw this egg at my cousin right here and right now? Would she find it funny? Would she grab some eggs and lob them back at me? Would we end up just having this massive laughing, giggling egg fight in the middle of Tesco! What would Tesco do exactly? – make us pay for the eggs? Or simply just ban us forever. Would we get arrested? I held the egg in my hand fighting all temptation to throw it – at this point I want to throw it any place. Even 'accidentally' on the floor. If we had the egg fight and then caused ciaos throughout Tesco would it be in the local paper? ‘Thirty something parents egg up Tesco Pitsea.’ Would anyone else see the side I thought was funny? I wonder… Oh how tempting it is to lob this egg. I don’t of course, I place the egg back in the box, then place the box in the trolley and roll on down to the checkout. While my cousin almost has a bloody conniption fit because I would happily pay 3 pound for eggs!


So I can sit back now and ponder that event. I can simply think a different time, a different Mel, a different cousin or friend and the outcome of that day would have been different perhaps. If I had been high on that day, I would so totally of thrown the egg, maybe not at my cousin but at a random shopper for sure! So next time your sitting there thinking, ' God I would just love to throw this chow mein on your head right now.'... know you are not alone. I am right there with you!

Sucks big fat hairy balls being an adult!

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Nostalgic moments...



There is nothing like suddenly comparing the now to the once was – then. What got me thinking about this was... the chat room.
Now it has not been a secret that I use chat rooms to entertain myself. I am a lone parent and yea I do not have much of a social life. So I find an outlet on chat. I act within my alter ego and from the safety of my computer. (My alter ego is called L0llyp0p!) <- fitting don’t you think?  I have used chat rooms since the Internet was first up and running. You know when it cost a penny a minute (on Netscape) and you had a 56k dial up modem. Remember the god awful noise that bastard thing used to make when dialling up OMG, it was never quiet either so you could not secretly nip online for some cyber! Cyber was pretty hot back then LOL! No way! And of course when the one phone line you had was constantly engaged to anyone trying to contact you. And when people tried to call they seemed to knock you offline or slow it down even more than it was before hand. Now we are talking some slow arse Internet back then. Took a day to download the file the size of a current song... slow omg LAG
Oh the days
These days the chat rooms are just not holding the same fine calibre of people as the rooms used to. Chat used to be more social no one would even dare think to meet up with strangers they had not seen or spoke to before. Back in the day, mobile phones were not so popular unless you were a yuppie. They were truly expensive brick type affairs. Most people that had one often were found to have a ‘filofax’ (LOL I know someone that had one of them!)  Web cams were still an idea in someone genius’s brain oh and scanners – maybe there was scanners but the file would have been humongous. Way back when ( I am feeling old now leave me alone) The room was so popular you have to run a programme to help you enter the room, often this meant kicking out someone that was not as important. A place where everybody knew your real name! (Cheese)  Now the chat rooms are based on location so it’s easy to ‘hook up’ with someone in your area. Not many people go online just to chat to other people that are in the same sort of situation as them. It is all about the flirt. Everyone has to get their flirt on.  Sure sure some attention never hurt anybody. But still it seems to be yet another thing in the world that has become an over sexed environment.
Whilst taking this lovely walk down memory lane I had a sudden onset of shudders. Reminded of the days where I seemed to fuck up even more than I do now. I can blame being younger of course. I started to wonder about ICQ, anyone remember that? And the very annoying ‘eeeoooo’ when you got a message. ICQ was the dog’s bollocks back then. But only to a true hard core chat addict. Addict!! Yes that was what you were back then as well. Not many people had the luxury of having a computer and if you remember those who didn’t have one. They often had a very strong option about the net as a whole. Amazing as you may find those same people carry a blackberry or iphone on them constantly checking in on face book! Hypocrites? I think so too, as the whole world and his brother now engage on some form of chat online. Even my own parents! * cough*
I just think it is quite funny that back in the day I was ripped a new one for the amount of time I spent on my computer. Yet I am behind in the technology sense when it comes to my mobile phone! I still have to log into a computer to check email and face book! Ha-ha oh how the tables have turned.
Anyway I feel the chat rooms have changed so much. They are not as good as they used to be. Sometimes I miss the old times. I have made really good friends online, some more recently through writing and writing forums and my studies with the OU. Face book and getting in touch with friends from school ( shudders – that’s a whole different blog) and no doubt more friends to be made in the future (hey Nickie your so fine your so fine you blow my mind hey Nickie- hey Nickie – its not interesting unless its about me!  ) we WILL come back to you later ;)..... I still enjoy the chat room banter now and then. I find myself revealing even less of my true self on there as it feels like chat is now all about ego.  After such a long time on chat you can pick up a real sense of online chatters from the things they say. ( basically you can sense that they are full of shit straight of the bat)  but these people online now are new to the game and think typing a few charming words will automatically have you melting on your knees in front of them. I go online just to witness this act! Comical!! Classic – helps me understand human behaviour and psychology – very interesting!

I am rambling and I have lost my way ... so I will be back to pick it up later.

Monday, 26 September 2011

DECLINED

As I am not in a massively secure financial situation at the moment almost every week I am standing at the till holding my breath hoping that my shopping does not go over a certain amount. Quite often I do go over that amount. I insert my card and again, I hold my breath hoping there is enough money to cover my shopping. I look at the lady at the checkout and wait for them words – I am sorry your card has been declined- at this moment I am wishing that the ground would literally open up and swallow me whole and that the semi good looking bloke behind, didn’t hear. Alas my card being declined is one thing but me not having any other form of payment is another. So I have to do the shop of shame. Yes, you have guessed it; I have to put stuff back. Quickly finding something that I felt was expensive, so the total goes back down to what I had set away for shopping. That’s not enough! Some more stuff needs to go. Removing random products now, not caring if it was something I really needed as I am feeling more and more mortified as the seconds tick by. I can’t even look up now I am bound to be red as anything. I am glad my hair is hiding my face right now. God I must look like a right twat. I can not be the only poor soul that has happened to? I have done worst things. I went shopping filled up the trolley with absolute luxury items before remembering I didn’t have nearly enough money. So what did I do? I left the trolley in the isle and ran away…. Yes it was me!
This has happened a few times, as sometimes I can be lax in my money management skills. However, today shopping trip did have a positive outcome. I had enough in my bank to cover it all!

Yet, last night, I played this same Russian roulette game with my kids and mine’s dinner. This is how it works. I have some money in my bank but I am not sure exactly how much. My bank (that shall remain nameless) often allows payments to go out on a Sunday due to my payment being there on a Monday morning. So I am tired and not feeling particularly great so I do the bad mummy thing and order dinner.

1, I place the order and then wait holding my breath for the payment to be approved. -Which it is... yay …
2, Will it turn up? – Well you know some of these take away places – some are well dodgy!
3, what will turn up? - Let’s face it; we don’t always get what we ring and order, right?
4, Will the food that we eat cause us all to have our heads down the sink/bowl/bog in 4 hours time? Gamble gamble gamble!

This is my Russian roulette at dinner.

Turns out this place sent out everything I ordered and no vomit basins needed yet! Phew
We safely made it through that one.
Anyway that’s my non sense babble for today!

Sunday, 25 September 2011

SOMETIMES-NONSENSE


SOMETIMES I have something I really want to say. Sometimes I have something I want to say with my own funny spin on it. Sometimes I have nothing to say but so much I feel.  Sometimes I just write complete shite. Sometimes I write from my heart. Sometimes.....
Today’s blog is pure adulterated cut throat bollocks.
Enjoy, my random shit and nonsense!
I managed to get up and washed and dressed and out the house yesterday, something that has been in no way achievable since Tuesday. Yet I made it only until 3-4 pm before I started to feel like micro waved dog shit. I went home I crawled back into bed and stayed there.
I did enjoy seeing my brother, sister in law and nephew. Poor them as they were the first adult humans I have had contact with since Monday. I think I may have rambled on and on about utter bollocks. Sorry guys xoxoxo
I enjoyed seeing my parents and wished I felt better and could have stayed longer. Them being all old and stuff * cough* I would hate for them to feel as shit as I have this week. I know it would destroy my dad’s golf game! And we can not have any of that.
Today I am feeling incredibly – groggy. My head is no longer pounding (unless I cough of course) I just need to not move so fast! Head rush! Ha remember when that used to be a good thing??
So, I have a 1600 word essay to write before next Monday and only 2 weeks till my ‘arts past and present’ module starts. I don’t feel like I am taking on too much right now. Of course I had to drop my maths course. Maths – I suck real badly at maths but I need to qualification. It will have to wait till I can find someone that will do it for me ;) (Kidding)

So now I feel I am rambling again. I am still debating about the piece of writing. I will give it a couple more days.

I read on another blogger page some writing about thinking about someone a lot. I wish I was in the position to write about my relationship emotions right now.  Part of me thinks I should not give two shits and just write what I feel. Part of me thinks bury it Mel. Move on, get over it.
Distractions, distractions, distractions!

Saturday, 24 September 2011

MORNING

Morning to the world of Internet!
It’s not fucking Friday any more... yayyyyy
You don’t want to know how much I wished pasted every single second of yesterday. However I have been in bed since Monday. Yes if you were wondering what funky smell was – it is me!
Hey I can’t help being ill you know.  Aches and pain and blah blah blahhhyyyy!!!  I refuse to moan today, its Saturday!
No moaning on Saturday! Well none of the negative kinds again * cough* not that the good kind are any closer than they were 3 months ago but one must remain faithful and hopeful J
So I am getting up today and putting my bedding in the wash. I am going to make myself look fucking stunning and I am going to drive down to my parents. Have you seen it outside today? Blue sky omg has it been like that all week?
Anyways... I will be back with more adventures, rants and moans real soon.
I am debating whether to post some recent writing about my problems with weed. The world can not help but be judgemental.  So I have posted a poll – yes or no?  do u want to read my fuck up? Or shall I keep that shit to myself?

Please please please click on my poll on the right of the screen – show me your support  J thank you!

Friday, 23 September 2011

HANGING UP

I know this might seem random and complete nonsense but I was thinking the other day about some stuff... yes I am being real vague... However, I had recently had a telephone conversation that, well basically started to piss me off. I hung up the phone - yes I am one of them wankers that hang up on you - so sue me.

Anyway, I hung up but I didn't feel any real satisfaction in it. I guess having the last word just don't cut it any more! A nice ‘fuck you.’ before hanging up perhaps.

When I sat and thought about it I realised it is not the thing that is said before hanging up. Although sometimes the last words said to someone can send shock waves of pain none the less. I believe it is that we don’t have 'phones with receivers any more. Slamming that phone down and hearing the clattering of plastic as the receiver makes contact with the phone unit had a great deal of satisfaction. In this day and age no such luck. We all have cordless, digital  handsets with caller ID so the best I can do is lob my handset after a well timed - beep- of the phone at a sofa full of cushions. Let me just say this did not help my anger. Don’t even get me started on mobile phones; you have to premeditate hanging up on them fucking things now. You have to run your finger across the screen before holding a button down for 3 or 4 seconds. The whole ' go fuck yourself ' BEEEEEEEEP is not as satisfying. I have to admit - I did like the old flip phones. Where you could simply close the phone up and snap that fucker shut to hang up - oh yes! Or... or! ... The phones that used to slide at the button, again simple and coolly you can just slide that baby up and the person that was pissing you off - gone.
Now, I am not promoting hanging up. I do it as I get so pissed off it is a knee jerk reaction. Those whom know me the best know without a doubt I have got one mean temper on me. I have been brought up in such a way that I have not always shown my temper to people – mainly family members. All I can say to those people, is you are lucky! I remind my parents often how lucky they are I don’t scream off in somebody’s face that truly deserves it. I hold my shit together when needed. Yet on the phone I tend not to, I sometimes try very hard to not just simply hang up. I have tried more recently to give off a warning like ' I am going now' then hanging up which simply means you are pissing me off don't ring me back. That seemed to be the problem with hanging up on people. They maybe didn't understand that they pissed me off when I hung up. They maybe thought ' oh she got cut off; I will ring her back,'
I had manners drummed into me as a child so ignoring people fills me with guilt. I would rather tell someone to fuck off. What? It is honest! If I happen to be in a situation where I am ignoring someone, there normally is a very good reason behind it. I am not generally that rude. Well not in that way anyway.



Anyways... that is my thoughts for the morning!

Thursday, 22 September 2011

MY BROTHER

My brother

My brother and I have not always seen eye to eye. Not because his 6’4 and I am 5’6 but because he is my one and only sibling.
Over the years we have had many issues. As kids we used to fight as adults we have arguments and as parents we laugh and cry. We have been to war and back again. I can not regret the bad stuff that has happened as it truly makes the good stuff mean so much more. I admit to being at some points in life a really nasty sister towards my brother. I have tried to do things on my own and not bothered asking for help. I have put a hand up in my brother’s face point blank refusing any help or guidance. Yet without my brother I would not be who I am today. And I can’t thank my brother enough for all the help and support he has given over to me over the years.
Recently we both sat down and watched a home move that was filmed almost 13 years ago. And just as we both laughed back then we both laughed at the same jokes.  It would appear that the Sense of humour don’t change too much. Many times we have both laughed so much we have both been in tears. As well as scaring each other to death with accidents and health problems.
My brother has seen the worst of me, the best of me, the hardest parts of me, all my strength and weaknesses. I am lucky to have a brother that accepts me for everything I am, Even if i do his head in now and then.  I look up to my brother – again, not because his so tall but because he is smart, loving, wise and open but more than anything else. He is my big brother. The only one I have got. The only one I could ever have hoped for. Brother, for everything, I am truly thankful,  I love you!

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

HURTING

There is no noise here
I struggle to hear for signs of life
A car in the distance- maybe
I listen but still there is- nothing
The only sound I can hear is the wind
The wind rustling in the trees and the screaming in my head
Looking out into the night
The moon is bright making the clouds look like waves
I miss the sound of the sea
What I wouldn’t give to be some place else right now
Not because I don’t feel safe but to be close to the ocean
 I hear the trees hum but they don’t seem to be moving
I still struggle to hear other sounds- anything
 But there is nothing only my mind and the wind in the trees
The garden looks tidy
The grass looks black but perfect
I am not used to being around so much grass and trees
I am not used to hearing – nothing
It is a little unsettling
I know I am home
Lying awake- trying not to think
Concentrating on the only sound there is – the wind
The night is already long
Still not feeling any closer to the morning
Fighting the pain in my chest
And the noise in my head
What I wouldn’t give to not be feeling this way right now
Hurting.

Monday, 5 September 2011

Monday and ....

Back to the land of the living

The last 6 weeks have been a mix of emotions, from fun and laughter to tears and sorrow. Now that the kids are back to school everything has started to feel normal once more. The holiday romance is most definitely over. Whilst I kind of enjoyed my last few days of freedom, I spent that time gathering my thoughts and getting myself prepared to return to my normal functioning self. I meditated and stretched with yoga. Today started with the alarm clock and it was a welcomed sound.

Last night my children arrived home after almost 4 days of being away. The last time I saw them both together I was in a bad way so seeing them last night filled my heart with so much love all over again. However, last night I found myself doing something as a parent that I used to hate my own parents doing when I was a child.

*THE BACK STORY*


I have always been a child that loved her food. I do believe that I have been over weight most of my life due to this fact. The reasons this fact is still active in my life is not something I can share today. Yet! This love for food has always been there. So when I was a child my parents would make us eat dinner even if it was vile and ‘healthy’. So when I was packed off to bed I used to really hate – with a passion- when I could smell my parents cooking really yummy food. I mean how rude of them! I love my munch and I have been sent to bed while they have really nice and probably naughty, yummy food!

Last night I did the same thing! I sent my son Charlie, who like me loves his munch to bed. Then, I cooked up yummy hot dogs for my oldest son and myself, while we watched The Fast and the Furious 5.
Bad mummy! Bad! Bad! Bad!

P.S Warburton’s hot dog rolls are ace (30 seconds in the microwave to make them extra soft and yummy) and they are on a 1 quid special at Tesco – plus the hot dogs are half price also a quid also at Tesco!

As the smell of fried onions and hot dogs hung nicely in the air around the house I felt massive pains of guilt for my son in bed whose tummy was probably rumbling at the smell. Been there and done that.

Amazing! It begs the question: in the end – do we all just turn into our parents?