HURTING

There is no noise here

I struggle to hear for signs of life

A car in the distance- maybe

I listen but still there is- nothing

The only sound I can hear is the wind

The wind rustling in the trees and the screaming in my head

Looking out into the night

The moon is bright making the clouds look like waves

I miss the sound of the sea

What I wouldn’t give to be some place else right now

Not because I don’t feel safe but to be close to the ocean

 I hear the trees hum but they don’t seem to be moving

I still struggle to hear other sounds- anything

 But there is nothing only my mind and the wind in the trees

The garden looks tidy

The grass looks black but perfect

I am not used to being around so much grass and trees

I am not used to hearing – nothing

It is a little unsettling

I know I am home

Lying awake- trying not to think

Concentrating on the only sound there is – the wind

The night is already long

Still not feeling any closer to the morning

Fighting the pain in my chest

And the noise in my head

What I wouldn’t give to not be feeling this way right now

Hurting.