EGG FIGHT

Being a grown up sucks big fat hairy balls. I got thinking about things I would really love to do. But alas as a fully fledged adult – parent. Examples must and should be set. Always with the rules! I can not be the only one that wants to break free from being an adult with a massive shoulder of responsibilities? How does one find an outlet to simply fuck around like a child and blatantly disregard the rules? I sometimes speed as it makes me feel like I am being naughty. I am sure I am not the only one that does that! I used to think to myself, 'Oh man, I'm so glad I am not a teenager in this day and age. I would get eaten alive if I did today the same shit I pulled I did when I was kid.’  I also used to say, ‘I was lucky to get out alive.’ However, I now think that society is lucky I am not a carefree teenager in this day and age. The reason for this thought is because I used to do pretty much what I wanted. As an adult the reason I don’t do stupid, random fucked upthings are because of my responsibilities as a parent. So this is how my mind worked on this particular day. I will remind you I am in my early 30’s and the person whom I was with is also the same age. We grew up together, so the children like tendencies are still very much alive.

So, I'm standing in Tesco,with my cousin, having a discussion about the price and size of eggs. I like big eggs me! Bigger the better. I don’t mind paying more for them. I hate the cheapo nasty value eggs. So I am opening box after box checking the eggs (like you do) I pull out a really massive egg and hold it up to my cousin and say, ‘Cor I bet that hurt’ giggles. At this point I look up and down the isle and wonder to myself, ‘What would happen if I threw this egg at my cousin right here and right now? Would she find it funny? Would she grab some eggs and lob them back at me? Would we end up just having this massive laughing, giggling egg fight in the middle of Tesco! What would Tesco do exactly? – make us pay for the eggs? Or simply just ban us forever. Would we get arrested? I held the egg in my hand fighting all temptation to throw it – at this point I want to throw it any place. Even 'accidentally' on the floor. If we had the egg fight and then caused ciaos throughout Tesco would it be in the local paper? ‘Thirty something parents egg up Tesco Pitsea.’ Would anyone else see the side I thought was funny? I wonder… Oh how tempting it is to lob this egg. I don’t of course, I place the egg back in the box, then place the box in the trolley and roll on down to the checkout. While my cousin almost has a bloody conniption fit because I would happily pay 3 pound for eggs!

So I can sit back now and ponder that event. I can simply think a different time, a different Mel, a different cousin or friend and the outcome of that day would have been different perhaps. If I had been high on that day, I would so totally of thrown the egg, maybe not at my cousin but at a random shopper for sure! So next time your sitting there thinking, ' God I would just love to throw this chow mein on your head right now.'... know you are not alone. I am right there with you!

Sucks big fat hairy balls being an adult!