MORE FAKING IT MOMENTS

Staying within the realms of faking it.

I feel that my last post was just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to faking it. Having had to look at the different roles that we all play within our lives, there are many aspects that we all ‘fake it.’ So from faking the happy, being surprised, shocked and even being annoyed. We can all feel the need to fake it. For a family member maybe, work colleagues or even fellow students, we can pretend to act or react in a way that someone, or society wants or expects us to.

I have myself been an offender in this case, I had a manager I could not stand, yet I played nice.(While mentally plotting their painful death) I have worked with people, so horrible that I wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire, yet I had to fake that shit daily. We all have family and partners or ex partners’ family members that at some point there has had to be some faking it. For myself, I have had to hold back and not freak out,(hard hard hard!!) but I have out of the respect for my parents. I am sure I am not alone, when I admit I faked it on many occasions that have brought a partners family into play and that too has been very interesting. Dependant on my mood of course, there has been times when having to not want to hold back, I have been disliked by many (amazing right!)an ex partners family for this. One ex’s family member in particular, hated me with a passion and went to all kinds of lengths to banish me from there area of the ex’s life. It was not long before we came face to face. They could not even look at me so in true Melidiot fashion, I did not kick off, no, no, no, I simply hugged them tight and gave them the wettest kiss on the lips possible, when I left.

I have faked it with other ex partners’ family members, even after the ex and I broke up. I was in a situation where I was around this particular person. If you had been sitting watching me fake it you would have thought about how painful it was to watch. This person really did loath me and my constant attempts to lure them in to a conversation was just silly on my part. I Really should not have bothered. 

People really do know when they are not liked don’t they? It’s not paranoia of sorts to think; OK they so don’t like me. It would be naïve to think you are going to be liked by everyone. ( so i don't bother trying anymore) It’s a statistical fact that there are people you simple just do not connect with.

Nonetheless, I seem to have a problem of sorts with authority. Always have, always will. I didn’t like my teachers at school – OK maybe 2 or 3 really cool teachers but the rest could bite me! I am not a big fan of being told what to do, especially being told in a way that makes me feel like I am a child! So anyone that does talk to me/ down to me in that manner tends to piss me off. Now it’s not that I have a, ‘I know everything so shut the fuck up.’ Complex no, no, no!

I have issues of course! I like to feel equal. yet, I have a number of defences in place, I admit that. I am working on my self awareness in that respect. Nevertheless, some of them defences come off badly and could be misunderstood to people that don’t know me. Once I have let down the walls a bit and they see who I really am, the connection seems to change and I go from being disliked to liked and loved. My alter ego appears to be a right c*nt!  - Shocker
( I would like to say that I am currently working on this. )

So anyway, that was more on my faking it issue. I still have not covered every angle on this one subject. Yet, I will leave it like that for now. I want to thank you all for your continued support in my writing.

SINGLE LIFE SUCKS

After having researched this area for the last 3-4 plus years I have come to the true and unpleasant fact that, being single in your 30’s sucks big fat hairy ones!

Sex and the City quote;

Miranda: “If they're not married, they're gay or burned from a divorce, or aliens from the planet don't date me.”

Carrie: “it's amazing how many of them walk among us now, only recognizable by their slightly larger heads”

 Samantha: “And ninety-seven percent of them can't fuck you worth a damn.”

Miranda: If a man is over thirty and single there's something wrong with him. It's Darwinian; they're being weeded out from propagating the species.

Season two – Episode eight

Oh this is so true it’s worrying. I think I may have met every kind of guy that was written about in The Sex and The City book. From Mr.Too Big , Mr.Small, the fuck buddy, the affair, the old bloke, the young bloke, the ugly bloke, the secret bloke, the pump pump squirt bloke to the bloke that lives with his parents. The bloke that only likes it outside, funky spunk, the bi bloke and the bloke you have to fake it with.

CHECK OUT MY FAKING IT POST....
LINK BELOW
http://melliesuesworld.blogspot.com/2011/10/faking-it.html?zx=9bb899444a202d84

*sigh* it’s a cruel world out there. So if you have someone that loves you enough to want to put a ring on your finger – hug them and hold them tight. I am envious of you; you don’t know how lucky you are.

For your continued amusement…..

Sex and The City quotes

Who’s that?

Miranda- An ophthalmologist I once faked orgasms with.

 We're officially stopping.

The idea that Miranda would fake anything stopped me cold.

 I only slept with him twice.

The first time I faked it because it was never gonna happen.

The second time I had to fake it because I did the first time.

 I didn't wanna fake it again, so I just forgot to return his last call.

Still faking it?

-Is he that bad in bed? -No, he's just...He's a guy.

They can rebuild a jet engine, but when it comes to a woman....

What's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the Sphinx!

 If I had a son, I'd teach him all about the vagina.

 The other night, he told me he really likes that I can come while he's fucking me.

How can he believe that that's all it takes?

Because you're faking it!

I'm really hating myself right now.

The awkward conversation…

man -Do you have a physical problem or something?

Woman-Me? What makes you assume it's me?

Man-No offence, it's just... Nobody I've ever slept with has had to fake it.

Woman-A lot of women fake it and until five minutes ago...

...you didn't know I was faking it, so....

man-What are you saying? All the women I've slept with have been faking it?

Woman-What are you looking at?

Man-nothing, I was just running a list in my head.

Woman-Look, Josh. A woman's anatomy is a little more complicated--

man-Give me some tips.

Woman-Pardon me? -Tips to get you off.

Man-I am nobody's charity case. I run the Marathon for Christ's sake.

Woman-Do you know how the clitoris works? -Yes.

-Do you know where it is? -Yes.

It's about two inches from where you think it is.

Sex and The City quote Season Two- Episode Four

‘They shoot single people don’t they?’

FAKING IT

*****WARNING, MY PERSONAL SEXUAL INFORMATION*******

Ok so the truth for me is that, yes I have faked it. More than once, more than twice I am sad to say. Why? you might ask. Because sometimes it is just easier to fake one and let it be done. Sorry guys, sex is all good but when you aren’t hitting the spot and there is no grand finally it is best to just drop n run. So the sudden onset of a faked orgasm often sends the fella off, allowing the end to be seen for both. Now for those of you that have faked it have probably got a smile slapped across your face because you know only too well what my words mean! Ha-ha not only that, the smile, because you got a way with it. This seems to be the fact that saddens me most. The fact the bloke didn’t know. Really how could a bloke not know?? Or is it an unwritten man rule, never to suggest to a women ‘you just faked it didn’t you?’ or maybe, ‘Baby? Can I not make you cum tonight? I mean, either, give a shit or be ignorant – is that really how it works? Or are women so fucking fantastic at performing the fake, that there is no way a man could possibly know.

Clearly I should have been an actress because even after a well performed fake ‘a’ guy, (who shall remain nameless) uttered the words, ‘Wow, you really came hard then, I could feel you.’  (I don’t know what it was that you felt hunnie but when I last came, you weren’t in the house!)  I believe this debate will probably go on for many years. Women now are more sexually liberated and have started to point out to the cavemen of the world, ‘It isn’t all about you – you know!’ We have become demanding in bed, we do want to be pleased. So get a book, watch a film do something. Stop allowing the option of a woman faking it. I don’t mean to sow the seed of doubt but seriously, I am wondering how some guys out there do not know a real one from a faked on. Maybe time to investigate technique my friends.

I just laughed out loud at the proud look on that bloke’s face. God faking it is not right, soo not right. And now, like many others I am sure, I have allowed that guy who couldn’t even get close, to go out in to the world, thinking he is the dogs’ bollocks in the sack. * sigh* No one wants to have that uncomfortable conversation about why your sexual partner can not cum. Come to think of it (pun intended) men have often expressed the fact they can not cum in certain situations or positions. So why shouldn’t women be allowed to say, 'Hey… lower and to the left and we might get some where tonight.’ Or, ‘Would you like me to do that for you?’ lol something I have myself said out loud. OUCH!   That might have dented the ego a tad. Women are not hard to please, so don’t be thinking its like mission impossible. Take some time and not be a selfish twat – and who knows! Maybe one day – you too can be caught on cam getting a face full of lady liquor.

This blog was not directed at any one in particular nor was it meant to suggest all men are rubbish in bed; this is not because of a recently unpleasant sexual experience either. It was just something I felt I wanted to blog about. I hold my hand up and admit to the world;

I HAVE FAKED IT!!

So I have put a poll up-- to your left --that asks you this same question. Male/female. Join the mass-d-bate ;)

MELIDIOT

I am back with more Mel moments. I often blog about my time spent in main chain supermarkets. TESCO has been a favourite of mine for a long time. I used to enjoy my early Monday morning shop there, When Charlie was young and small enough to sit in the trolley. Ahh *sigh* back before he went to school. These days I have to push my wonky wheeled trolley around all on my tod! Anyway, it was always the same routine and I loved how empty it was at that time, 8-9 am. There was always a parking space and not many people around- lovely. I try and avoid going to major supermarkets at weekends if I can. However, on this particular day it was a Sunday morning, late morning. The car park was over run, no surprise there.  I only needed 2 or 3 items for dinner. I finally got parked up and strolled up to the entrance. I was fumberling around with my phone, I am not sure if had just made a call or text or received a text but I was flapping around with my phone while I walked into the store. Soon putting my phone in my bag when while I was walking down that first isle – seasonal of course, it occurred to me how quiet it was. I suddenly was aware that I could hear my heels clickerdy clacking pretty loud. I round the corner of the first isle that takes you to the centre isle where you can see all the way down to the other end of the store – TESCO pitsea is an extra store and is pretty big by any standards. The helper in this store used to wear roller skates for speed! Anyway...So I round the corner to see people, loads and loads of people, just standing in little huddles.  I have one of them OMFG moments and think omg this is like something out of that movie ‘The Happening’!! ... Fight or flight kicks in, and flight it is, clicklerdy clacking of my heels as I strut down the centre isle. An old woman with her basket on the floor between her legs looks at me like I am the whore of Babylon. Then it hits me. Oh fuck – Sunday 11th November – 11 am – ...oh ground, open up and take me now!  Course, it’s far too late for me to stop walking. I have been seen by the entire store. I swear I was the only person walking around, it was very eerie. I seemed to slow my walking but feared I might be strung up at the cheese counter and have apples and pears lobbed at me for my blatant display of disrespect. I couldn’t help but feel thankful that I was not,’ blah blah oh my fucking god bruv, ennit, yea wow you get me!’  omg-ing – on the phone. I would have been chased from the store by French stick waving customers for sure!  So, after, what felt like 11 minutes of silence, the store starts to move and have sound again. I quickly grab the things I went in for and made my way back to the checkout, hoping no one had sent my picture off to a hit man or something. Whilst walking back I heard a women moaning about how some people continued to shop during the silence.  Unless she was talking about me I thought phew!!,..I wasn’t the only one!! Not wasting time I start legging it out to my car. I get straight on the phone - saying oh my god, you’ll never guess what just happened!

 One of the reasons I felt the need to share this today, is we are now getting closer to that day again 11-11-11-11-11 and for some reason I can not explain even in if I really tried, something about  this day really bothers me. Not the meaning behind it. Just that all them 11’s - hummmm

So I share another melidiot the moron moment.

Hope everyone is well J be safe people

AHH.. THAT'S BETTER

After a long and distance 6 weeks holiday, today is the first day I felt I am back in College mode. I almost didn’t go today as my sofa seemed way more appealing than the class room. Yet, I did get my arse up, out and to College. Today I did not travel up with a fellow classmate and once I pulled into the car park at college I was thankful. The car in question, is a very nice car, don’t get me wrong but it is a boy car and is very much a profile car. No suspension and 2 exhausts – very meaty! However, bumpy and noisy as fuck and my brain rattles for the whole 35 minute journey giving me one fucktard of a headache. The road we travel is not the flattest either. 2 minute roller coaster ride weeee yes I love it. 35 minutes and I am begging to get off. That is without 2 and half hours in class room learning and then a further 35 minutes trip home! So as much as I do appreciate the ride to save on petrol I am glad I took my own car today. Now back to the point. I was not going to go for many reasons but I did. I am very glad I did go. As going to College has just pushed me back in the right direction.

Me in the class room –

Now I do not pride myself on being incredibly infuriating * cough* I just seem to rub people up that way. Maybe I have an air of arrogance about me, maybe I come off as a know it all, opinionated bitch – I am sure most will agree. But I maintain now and always, I do NOT know everything, nor do I claim that I do, not even close, and I am entitled to my option and have learned to shush up and not express it at every given opportunity. Many might confuse my opinion with me being honest...psh not everybody likes to hear it and again I have started to be more aware to shut my fucking mouth. As for being arrogant, it’s a false confidence to hide how nervous and shy I really I am. I admitted this in class today. I do talk a lot in class about the subject matter. I do not challenge my tutor but confirm a different perspective. A lot of the time asking a question or two and including other class members that I may have spoken to before about something during break or in a social situation. My tutor gave me an encouraging comment on my role within the class today which made me smile. I am sure I will continue to annoy the crap out of some people in the class. I have learned that this is bound to happen now and then. I am there to learn so I do not have a problem asking for a better understanding. * shrugs* So even though I was not in the best of moods today I did open up in class and revealed some aspects of my personality to my tutor and class mates. I don’t think this will stop me from being considered irritating some how but I feel better for it. I feel I’m back on the right road J


Happy Monday people …..

1st October

its the 1st of October and it is how hot right now ...

no wonder I am ill......

So 2 weeks of feeling completely rubbish. From sickness and tiredness that devolved into a cold and fever, then sore throat and OMFG I feel like I am dying – finally I feel so fucking shite that I call on the doctor, I get in very quickly. Whilst checking out my swollen sore throat I almost vomit on him I mutter a ‘thanks for that’ he says his sorry lol throat infection – amoxicillin 500 mg 3 times a day – take some pain killers and plenty of water. So back to bed I go. With my sucky sweets and packs of pills. I don’t plan on staying in bed for long of course I would melt into a puddle of smelluge in this heat. I shall be going out later on for sure. I can’t help but feel thankful for not making it out on a date last night. I could have really made the fella ill. Rain check on that one I think.

fellow bloggers - 100 words

Anyway. To my fellow bloggers that I see writing 100 words posts. I have attempted such a task and have posted it previous to this one. It is a little bit personal to me and so there fore I hesitated to post it. Then I thought bollocks to it. I feel it is a nice piece of writing that reflects my feelings. Many people in the past have let me down as i have them I am sure. The feeling of disappointment and the betrayal of my trust. So figured, what the hell. I hope I have not over stepped my mark on writing 100 words like the rest of you,  If I have,  message me and I will take it off.