Struggling

Begin forwarded message:

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> 27/04/2013 08:06
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> Struggling today day 10 of no cigarettes. Although I am incredibly proud of both Dave and me I can't help but crave a fag right now. I look at how much money we have saved by not smoking and also feel shame and shock at how we ever managed to afford to smoke. Then another awesome wave of guilt washes over me when I think of all the help and bail outs Dave and I have had from our families. It's just plain silly. Having used smoking as a way to deal with stress is never a good thing. I am tired from erratic sleep patterns and I ache in my head and jaw from clenching my mouth closed or being tense.
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> Everyday except from today I have woke in a reasonably positive place, not saying my grumpiness is positive but it passes after a rant where's this feeling is pretty dark.
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> I have managed to keep positive thoughts in my head. I feel I need to remind myself of the good stuff through the therapy of words. Also ranting about the crappy feeling will help set that bastard free!!
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> I don't smell like fags, my kids, my home even my cats some smell of stail smoke now. I have more energy even if I burn myself out. I feel more positive and productive. I have managed to sort a few things out that I would normally find a reason not to bother. My skin, although it looks warmer and feels nice I have a break out in spots :(
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> My hair feels nice. My teeth are whiter. My breathing is longer and I can take a nice long breath and it not hurt or ache. I have not coughed alot and I have not coughed up all the mucus and shit yet. Waiting for that delightful moment.
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> Food tastes very nice and drink feels refreshing in my mouth.
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> The longer I go without fags the better my health will be. My kids will have a mummy for longer.
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> My weight is a whole different issue something I will address soon but every time I put food in my mouth I am more aware of what I am eating as I do not want to gain weight if I can help it. It is about remaining in control and my class a control freak tendencies are thriving.
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> I just made myself smile. I can do this. I will do this. I have enjoyed the feeling of superiority as I walk past the fag counter in the shop. I have felt that feeling of pride within myself when I smell smoke on others, I have felt that moment of disgust when I see how unattractive smoking is on a woman.
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> I feel glad I am not dependant on the fags. Although the start of today I have felt its absence. This post is pushing that want/need away nicely.
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> Thanks blog world and to all that follow me on Facebook. Your support is greatly appreciated.
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> Mel x
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