Tuesday, 13 December 2016

80's Essex girl

You know you are old when you can have a 1 hr chat just by saying - I was thinking about the first mobile phone I had.
.... your mind goes back there. I used to say, "what's the point of having a mobile phone? You'll only get calls from other people that have a mobile, no one I know has a mobile!"
Ha look at us all now...
God if I could go back and show them what they got coming their way!
Of course times have changed and we allow sex, crude and funny into our living rooms so much faster now.
Think of the last thing you see on tv that offended you! Its probably been a while but that thing that offended you now would of been banned back in the 80's and 90's.
Remember knowing someone that was offended by benny hill? Ha seems not as crude as you thought back then.
Xr2's escorts, Sierra, orian ghia, xr3i, four gears, metros, keeper rings, perms, Filofax! Motorola flip phone!
Essex girl jokes!......






What is the worst thing about having sex with an Essex girl? The bucket seats.


How do Essex girl brain cells die? Alone.

What did the Essex girl customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)? "'Debbie'.... That,s cute, what did you name the other one?".

How do you amuse an Essex girl for hours? Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

What do Essex girls do for foreplay? Remove their underwear.

Why did the Essex girl drown? Someone stuck a scratch & sniff at the bottom of the pool.

An Essex girl is in a car accident, the paramedics arrive to find the Essex girl covered in blood, the paramedic asks "where are you bleeding from?" The Essex girl replies "Romford".

Being that Essex girl in the 80's still haunts me! Some people still make Essex girl jokes! Maybe they didn't get the email about Essex girls being gansta and you'd get cut now lol now that's a Essex girl joke :)





Location:Essex!

Friday, 9 December 2016

Internet age

Ok so if I had any idea how to, I'd make a question app thingy. Giving you your internet age. You know those things that pop up on FACEACHE, 'what Star Wars character are you.'
Well like that. So you would get a certain amount of points for answering questions that a formula would calculate your internet age. Example
Question.

Did you have to get a second line in the late 90's because dial up murdered you landline?
Answers
Yes (20 points)
No (10 points)
What's dial up (0 points)

Question
When someone says their 20meg upload is slow do you look at them in disgust?
Answer
Yes! (30 points)
No (10 points)
Eh? (0 points)

Question
How often do you site and watch you tube?
Answer
Never (30 points)
When I am sent a link (10 points)
Daily (0 points)

These three questions would start to determine your actual age and adds points to give you a 5-15 years old
16-25 years old
26-38 years old

So all you guys that ain't owned a computer or laptop till the late 2000's age would be like kids! Ha! Compared to a older more mature internet user. Ha how old would you be? How old would I be?
A dinosaur!
A dinosaur : You know those people you all were calling 'sad' or 'obnoxious' !!
Hahaha
How many of you hypocrites been told, 'can you put your phone down?!' Or ' tablet or laptop or computer? While your device is connected 24/7 to your fibre optic broadband.
Funny how that works.

So yea the app you give you an internet age.

The idea of this came about when I said something is boring on line.
When you have been looking at a screen for as long as me and someone is moaning about 'lag' or 'crappy net' I thought to myself, fuck off it used to take over an hour to download a 1meg music file. Sometimes longer! Oh and and and (lol) some of us were paying 1p a minute for that delight! That might not sound a lot but the 'dial up' was pretty unstable so getting connection you kinda clung to it and stay connected! Those 56k dial up modems were top knotch back when the internet was born.

I'd be a dinosaur! Been looking at the internet for many years. Seen how it changes people.

Some stuff is so boring!

Maybe I am just getting old!!





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, 3 December 2016

Question one, Amy

I was sat in a room that had blue walls and doors. So blurry eyed it didn't look like there was an exit. I heard the door handle, which was also blue. Pale blue, the kind you would find new born boys wearing.

The voice that came from behind the door was... familiar but couldn't place it. Clearly a man tho!
"Two people." He said slowly.
I tilted my head and the words fell out my mouth, "Jesus and Amy wine house." My voice sounded funny as I finished.
"Jesus Christ? And Amy wine house?" He asked just to confirm.
"Yea." I smiled.
The one big circular light flickered and the room went dark.
"Erm..." I start. Just then the light was back on. I look around and see two chairs to my left. I move back. There weren't there just now?! Oh I must be high.
I close my eyes and right myself. My eyes open and I see brown leather slip on loafers in front of me. Next to them I see a pair of black peeptoe high heels. My head whips up to see Amy winehouse sitting, legs crossed leaning forward with a joint in her left hand and a plastic cup in the other. She was nodding and smiling. Couldn't help but smile back. Words couldn't leave me I was just bolted to the chair staring. She passes the joint to me as she blows out a huge puff of smoke. I take the joint from her. I take it to my lips and take a long drag. What's the worst that could happen? I felt like, this is not right but felt ok?
As I blow out a puff of smoke my eyes land on Ryan Reynolds long lost half brother! Amy drew in a breath.
"Who are you then mate?"
I looked at his face as he coolly turns her head to her and looks her in the eyes. Her face changed and she looked happy.
"Jesus."
He spoke, slightly low but deep and rugged but I heard him ok.
He turned back to me and looked at me as he crosses his legs and pulled the sleeve of his blue v neck Superdry long sleeved top.
"Hang on." I blurt out. My hands shot up to my mouth to stop myself from talking.
"Yea?" He said
I couldn't stop it! The words were floating out my mouth and my hands were not moving.
"Yea, you don't look like Jesus ennit?! What the duck are they? Prada shoes?!" I laughed and looked up at the light. I must be high as fuck. Ahh fuck it? Just go with it! What would you ask these two? I pressed into my temple.
Boom it was there.
I turn to Amy, I smile and ask,
"If you could do it all again or come back, would you do it all differently?"
..........
He lets out a sigh and turns his wrist to check his watch.
"Dude, what do you need a watch for?"
"Is that your question?" He snapped.
"No!" I retorted. "You just sit tight ok I want to talk to her." Trying not to laugh, and feeling a hot flush building up in my face.
He sits back and crosses his arms. I look at her and she smiles and leans in closer......


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, 30 November 2016

I AM AN EMPATH

It's been mentioned a few times over the years. While in therapy and training to counsel others.
Confirmed by counsellor in 2011, I've tried to ignore it. But now everything makes sense.
Got to embrace this is me. I am an empath.

want to know more?....


By: Christel Broederlow

What is an empath?

Being an empath is when you are affected by other people’s energies, and have an innate ability to intuitively feel and perceive others. Your life is unconsciously influenced by others’ desires, wishes, thoughts, and moods. Being an empath is much more than being highly sensitive and it’s not just limited to emotions. Empaths can perceive physical sensitivities and spiritual urges, as well as just knowing the motivations and intentions of other people. You either are an empath or you aren’t. It’s not a trait that is learned. You are always open, so to speak, to process other people’s feelings and energy, which means that you really feel, and in many cases take on the emotions of others. Many empaths experience things like chronic fatigue, environmental sensitivities, or unexplained aches and pains daily. These are all things that are more likely to be contributed to outside influences and not so much yourself at all. Essentially you are walking around in this world with all of the accumulated karma, emotions, and energy from others.

Empaths are often quiet achievers. They can take a while to handle a compliment for they’re more inclined to point out another’s positive attributes. They are highly expressive in all areas of emotional connection, and talk openly, and, at times quite frankly. They may have few problems talking about their feelings if another cares to listen (regardless of how much they listen to others).

However, they can be the exact opposite: reclusive and apparently unresponsive at the best of times. They may even appear ignorant. Some are very good at “blocking out” others and that’s not always a bad thing, at least for the learning empath struggling with a barrage of emotions from others, as well as their own feelings.

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly.


Empaths are more inclined to pick up another’s feelings and project it back without realizing its origin in the first place. Talking things out is a major factor in releasing emotions in the learning empath. Empaths can develop an even stronger degree of understanding so that they can find peace in most situations. The downside is that empaths may bottle up emotions and build barriers sky-high so as to not let others know of their innermost thoughts and/or feelings. This withholding of emotional expression can be a direct result of a traumatic experience, an expressionless upbringing, or simply being told as a child, “Children are meant to be seen and not heard!”

Without a doubt, this emotional withholding can be detrimental to one’s health, for the longer one’s thoughts and/or emotions aren’t released, the more power they build. The thoughts and/or emotions can eventually becoming explosive, if not crippling. The need to express oneself honestly is a form of healing and a choice open to all. To not do so can result in a breakdown of the person and result in mental/emotional instability or the creation of a physical ailment, illness or disease.

Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears. Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty, and may have grave difficulty in expressing themselves in the face of another’s ignorance, closed-mindedness and obvious lack of compassion. They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see.

You will find empaths working with people, animals or nature with a true passion and dedication to help them. They are often tireless teachers and/or caretakers for our environment and all within it. Many volunteers are empathic and give up personal time to help others without pay and/or recognition.

Empaths may be excellent storytellers due to an endless imagination, inquisitive minds and ever-expanding knowledge. They can be old romantics at heart and very gentle. They may also be the “keepers” of ancestral knowledge and family history. If not the obvious family historians, they may be the ones who listen to the stories passed down and possess the majority of the family history. Not surprisingly, they may have started or possess a family tree.

They have a broad interest in music to suit their many expressive temperaments, and others can query how empaths can listen to one style of music, and within minutes, change to something entirely different. Lyrics within a song can have adverse, powerful effects on empaths, especially if it is relevant to a recent experience. In these moments, it is advisable for empaths to listen to music without lyrics, to avoid playing havoc with their emotions!

They are just as expressive with body language as with words, thoughts, and feelings. Their creativity is often expressed through dance, acting, and bodily movements. Empaths can project an incredible amount of energy portraying and/or releasing emotion. Empaths can become lost in the music, to the point of being in a trance-like state; they become one with the music through the expression of their physical bodies. They describe this feeling as a time when all else around them is almost non-existent.

People of all walks of life and animals are attracted to the warmth and genuine compassion of empaths. Regardless of whether others are aware of one being empathic, people are drawn to them as a metal object is to a magnet!

Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, and before they know it, they have poured out their hearts and souls without intending to do so consciously. It is as though on a sub-conscious level that person knows instinctively that empaths would listen with compassionate understanding. Then again, for empaths, it is always nice to actually be heard themselves!

Here are the listeners of life. They can be outgoing, bubbly, enthusiastic and a joy to be in the presence of, as well as highly humorous at the most unusual moments! On the flip side, empaths can be weighted with mood swings that will have others around them want to jump overboard and abandon ship! The thoughts and feelings empaths receive from any and all in their life can be so overwhelming (if not understood) that their moods can fluctuate with lightning speed. One moment they may be delightfully happy and with a flick of the switch, miserable.

Abandoning an empath in the throes of alternating moods can create detrimental effects. A simple return of empathic love–listening and caring compassionately without bias, judgment and/or condemnation–can go an incredibly long way to an empath’s instant recovery. Many empaths don’t understand what is occurring within them. They literally have no idea that another person’s emotions are now felt, as one’s own and reflected outwardly. They are confused as to how one moment all was well, and then the next, they feel so depressed, alone, etc. The need to understand the possibilities of empath connection is a vital part of the empaths journey for themselves and for those around them.

Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one – if only for peace of mind. This can certainly prove beneficial for others in their relationships, in the workplace, or on the home front. Where there is a will, there is a way and the empath will find it. The empath can literally (likely without the knowledge of what’s actually occurring) tap into Universal Knowledge and be receptive to guidance in solving anything they put their head and hearts into.

Empaths often are vivid and/or lucid dreamers. They can dream in detail and are inquisitive of dream content. Often they feel as though the dreams are linked to their physical life somehow, and not just a mumble of nonsensical, irrelevant, meaningless images. This curiosity will lead many empathic dreamers to unravel some of the “mysterious” dream contents from an early age and connect the interpretation to its relevance in their physical life. If not, they may be led to dream interpretations through other means.

Empaths are daydreamers with difficulty keeping focused on the mundane. If life isn’t stimulating, off an empath will go into a detached state of mind. They will go somewhere, anywhere, in a thought that appears detached from the physical reality, yet is alive and active for they really are off and away. If a tutor is lecturing with little to no emotional input, empaths will not be receptive to such teaching and can (unintentionally) drift into a state of daydreaming.

Give the empath student the tutor who speaks with stimuli and emotion (through actual experience of any given subject) and the empath is receptively alert. Empaths are a captivated audience. This same principle applies in acting. An actor will either captivate the audience through expressing (in all aspects) emotions (as though they really did experience the role they are portraying) or will loose them entirely. Empaths make outstanding actors.

Empaths frequently experience déjà vu and synchronicities. What may initially start as, “Oh, what a coincidence”, will lead to the understanding of synchronicities as an aspect of who they are. These synchronicities will become a welcomed and continually expanding occurrence. As an understanding of self grows, the synchronicities become more fluent and free flowing. The synchronicities can promote a feeling of euphoria as empaths identify with them and appreciate the connection to their empathic nature.

Empaths are most likely to have had varying paranormal experiences throughout their lives. NDE’s (Near death experiences) and or OBE’s (Out of body experiences) can catapult an unaware empath into the awakening period and provide the momentum for a journey of discovery. Those who get caught up in life, in society’s often dictating ways, in work etc., can become lost in a mechanical way of living that provides very little meaning. All “signs of guidance” are ignored to shift out of this state of “doing”. A path to being whole again becomes evident and a search for more meaning in one’s life begins.

These types of experiences appear dramatic, can be life-altering indeed, and are most assuredly just as intensely memorable in years to come. They are the voice of guidance encouraging us to pursue our journey in awareness. Sometimes, some of us require that extra assistance!

For some empaths, the lack of outside understanding towards paranormal events they experience, may lead to suppressing such abilities. (Most of these abilities are very natural and not a coincidence.) Empaths may unknowingly adopt the positive or negative attitude of others as their own. (This, however, can be overcome.) Empaths may need to follow interests in the paranormal and the unexplained with curiosity so as to explain and accept their life circumstances.

Here are 30 of the most common traits:

1. Knowing: Empaths just know stuff, without being told. It’s a knowing that goes way beyond intuition or gut feelings, even though that is how many would describe the knowing. The more attuned they are the stronger this gift becomes.

2. Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums where there are lots of people around can fill the empath with turbulently vexed emotions that are coming from others.

3. Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own: This is a huge one for empaths. To some they will feel emotions off those near by and with others they will feel emotions from those a vast distance away, or both. The more adept empath will know if someone is having bad thoughts about them, even from great distance.

4. Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable: The more attuned an empath becomes the worse it is and may make it so they eventually have to stop watching TV and reading newspapers altogether.

5. You know when someone is not being honest: If a friend or a loved one is telling you lies you know it (although many empaths try not to focus on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be painful). Or if someone is saying one thing but feeling/thinking another, you know.

6. Picking up physical symptoms off another: An empath will almost always develop the ailments off another (colds, eye infections, body aches and pains) especially those they’re closest to, somewhat like sympathy pains.

7. Digestive disorders and lower back problems: The solar plexus chakra is based in the centre of the abdomen and it’s known as the seat of emotions. This is where empaths feel the incoming emotion of another, which can weaken the area and eventually lead to anything from stomach ulcers to IBS (too many other conditions to list here). Lower back problems can develop from being ungrounded (amongst other things) and one, who has no knowledge of them being an empath, will almost always be ungrounded.

8. Always looking out for the underdog: Anyone whose suffering, in emotional pain or being bullied draws an empath’s attention and compassion.

9. Others will want to offload their problems on you, even strangers: An empath can become a dumping ground for everyone else’s issues and problems, which, if they’re not careful can end up as their own.

10. Constant fatigue: Empaths often get drained of energy, either from energy vampires or just taking on too much from others, which even sleep will not cure. Many get diagnosed with ME.

11. Addictive personality: Alcohol, drugs, sex, are to name but a few addictions that empaths turn to, to block out the emotions of others. It is a form of self protection in order to hide from someone or something.

12. Drawn to healing, holistic therapies and all things metaphysical: Although many empaths would love to heal others they can end up turning away from being healers (even though they have a natural ability for it), after they’ve studied and qualified, because they take on too much from the one they are trying to heal. Especially if they are unaware of their empathy. Anything of a supernatural nature is of interest to empaths and they don’t surprise or get shocked easily. Even at the revelation of what many others would consider unthinkable, for example, empaths would have known the world was round when others believed it was flat.

13. Creative: From singing, dancing, acting, drawing or writing an empath will have a strong creative streak and a vivid imagination.

14. Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for empaths and pets are an essential part of their life.

15. Need for solitude: An empath will go stir-crazy if they don’t get quiet time. This is even obvious in empathic children.

16. Gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated: Work, school and home life has to be kept interesting for an empath or they switch off from it and end up daydreaming or doodling.

17. Finds it impossible to do things they don’t enjoy: As above. Feels like they are living a lie by doing so. To force an empath to do something they dislike through guilt or labelling them as idle will only serve in making them unhappy. It’s for this reason many empaths get labelled as being lazy.

18. Strives for the truth: This becomes more prevalent when an empath discovers his/her gifts and birthright. Anything untruthful feels plain wrong.

19. Always looking for the answers and knowledge: To have unanswered questions can be frustrating for an empath and they will endeavour to find an explanation. If they have a knowing about something they will look for confirmation. The downside to this is an information overload.

20. Likes adventure, freedom and travel: Empaths are free spirits.

21. Abhors clutter: It makes an empath feel weighed down and blocks the flow of energy.

22. Loves to daydream: An empath can stare into space for hours, in a world of their own and blissfully happy.

23. Finds routine, rules or control, imprisoning: Anything that takes away their freedom is debilitating to an empath even poisoning.

24. Prone to carry weight without necessarily overeating: The excess weight is a form of protection to stop the negative incoming energies having as much impact.

25. Excellent listener: An empath won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care.

26. Intolerance to narcissism: Although kind and often very tolerant of others, empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider another’s feelings or points of view other than their own.

27. The ability to feel the days of the week: An empath will get the ‘Friday Feeling’ if they work Fridays or not. They pick up on how the collective are feeling. The first couple of days of a long, bank holiday weekend (Easter for example) can feel, to them, like the world is smiling, calm and relaxed. Sunday evenings, Mondays and Tuesdays, of a working week, have a very heavy feeling.

28. Will not choose to buy antiques, vintage or second-hand: Anything that’s been pre-owned carries the energy of the previous owner. An empath will even prefer to have a brand new car or house (if they are in the financial situation to do so) with no residual energy.

29. Sense the energy of food: Many empaths don’t like to eat meat or poultry because they can feel the vibrations of the animal (especially if the animal suffered), even if they like the taste.

30. Can appear moody, shy, aloof, disconnected: Depending on how an empath is feeling will depend on what face they show to the world. They can be prone to mood swings and if they’ve taken on too much negative will appear quiet and unsociable, even miserable. An empath detests having to pretend to be happy when they’re sad, this only adds to their load (makes working in the service industry, when it’s service with a smile, very challenging) and can make them feel like scuttling under a stone.


If you can say yes to most or all of the above then you are most definitely an empath.

Empaths are having a particularly difficult time at the present time, picking up on all the negative emotions that are being emanated into the world from the populace.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, 27 November 2016

FAT STORY

So this was me...





Last Christmas. 2015 and I knew I was getting married in the August of 2016. 
I had actually lost 10 lbs before this last photo. 




I was over 23 stone. Now 15 stoner! Most people would normally join slimming club at my current weight and size but I am about to stay here for a couple of months! 
It's been a fantastic year and I have been awesome when it comes to my weight loss. I have not spent too much time on exercise tho. 
DR. Is very happy with what I've done and I've cut my medication in half. Blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol, re flux, to name but a few. i don't really want to go back over the I couldn't walk far without pain and not being able to get out the bath. Almost 8 stone gone! 
I have more energy now, I feel fresher and so much healthier already. I have more to lose. I do want to be 12 stone. I could Slimming World the shit out of life and do that fairly quick just with the diet, if the past few months are anything to go by. I want to stay here at this weight a little longer. I was a size 26 but now can buy and wear a size 16. A Primark size 16! A Asda size 16! 




I have baggy skin :( and I hate it. But love that my body has changed so much. So I am going to exercise the shit outta this! 
This might seem excessive but a few years ago I loved the gym. So having my heart pound is something I like! Running however not really my thing. It's up there with ironing or cleaning up vomit! 
So imagine my surprise when the thrill of starting to run over came me! That's when I really did see the change in myself and not the one seen in the mirror! 
I have changed this year. For the better! 
Started the sofa to 5k today. Was expecting to feel double shit from running, to hurt all over, to be 'I hate it' but I am not. I am, excited for tomorrow and looking forward to getting back into my boxing and yoga! Who is this person writing on my blog!?????!!!

It's me 

So if you see me running around Basildon and surrounding areas, please give me a toot toot or a 'jog on fatty!' Out the window of the car ;) 
Going to be keeping a more detailed diary of images of body change From today, see how I can change my shape some more with movement. Pretty sure I got a Fitbit for crimbo too. Exciting!!
Stay tuned my little cheeky fuckers. 




Tuesday, 22 November 2016

KIDS

I am guessing my house isn't the only house that has kids that have their faces permanently pressed against some kind of screen! I mean, I am doing it myself right now! So it won't be no biggie if I just look at this for a minute or two.
Is the fact that, my middle son finds 'doing jobs' with mum a great time to spend together?
Because there just is not that much FaceTime anymore?
Am I the only parent I history that has texted their kid that is in the same house at the same time?
You fucking lying bastards!! lol

I ask the first born to do jobs and I get the chin thrust with a side of contempt! I ask middle son and it's like a day at the fair. Fucking loves helping. Maybe give it a couple years huh!

But then I pause to think. What? He likes washing up while I wipe up or sort washing out together fun times? Ang on? Do I not spend time with my son that often that chores is time away from our screens? Fuck! Parent of the year over here!
Can I justify ' school, home work, clubs, time with dad, mates, work, other kids, jobs, screens ' as an excuse that we don't sit down every night to 'check in' or play trivial pursuit?
I don't know? I feel pretty crap about it but it has also opened my eyes to it too.

I guess as I didn't grow up with my mooey spaced over a screen it will seem alien to me. It has a feeling to it that suggests 'not normal'
Thing is, it is now? For this lot? The middle and first and now for little man, this is normal!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, 12 October 2016

The corner


I am
Drawn to it. I stand there often. I feel comforted when I stand there to talk. But it's not just me. Most people that walk in to that room will go for the corner.
I used to stand there and had to move every time someone wanted to get in the fridge. My arse was that big.

Well I can safely, comfortably say I can slip in that little bastard nicely now and I don't have to move when people need to open the fridge!

#motivated

Location:Essex baby

Tuesday, 11 October 2016

ARSEHOLE

So this is going to make me look like a right arsehole. I've been hoovering over my SlimmingWorld plan for a couple of weeks and no surprise I had a stale few weeks. I am finding it hard. I am just about in side #*stone and I just keep hovering there going up and over and then back again! Getting fucked off. 

I started to hit back hard and going 100% on plan. To my stunned shocked surprise a few days on plan didn't wipe out my naughtiness. Started to feel that 'giving up' speech coming. 

Then tonight I get a little surprise that has be thinking more and more about target/goal. So in an arseholey attempt to motivate myself I drew this.....





I drew balloons! 
I drew a ladder!
I counted out the stones! 
I coloured them in! 
As I sat back to look at it I could see my entire psychological mind set. Can you see it?? 

Look at the sharp bends in the ladder - struggles in my diet perhaps. Look at the names on the last 3 balloons. My kids to motivate me to go the last bit! 
Even the colours for the first 5 balloons scream at me! 


Anyway I am trying to get my head back in the game. I see great things for 2017. :) 

Friday, 7 October 2016

Blog

So I get a lot of ideas at night but have no place to write them to I am testing new app


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:In my bed

Tuesday, 4 October 2016

YOU

You, you died. I don’t know when you died or how. You, I don’t know when you are being put to rest. You, I don’t know the name of your kids. You, you probably wouldn’t know me in the street. You, you don’t even have me on your friends list on FacebookYou, you died and yet I feel sadness for you passing. You, I knew you once and part of me wants to say 'us' and 'we'  here too and you knew us. You, you were at both of our weddings. You, you drove me crazy and I you but You, you drove a mini. You, you were one of our coolest mates. You, you had house speakers in your mini making it a two seater. You, you made me sit with my feet up because of the speakers! You, I always knew you would excel in everything you'd do.  You, you and me have not spoke to you for many many years but will miss you? You, maybe I'll miss knowing you were happy and living. You, you fucking died! You, you are to young to go. You, you'll be missed. You, you have changed lives. You, you have touched lives. You, you touched my life.You, you died. I don’t know when you died or how. You, I don’t know when you are being put to rest. You, I don’t know the name of your kids. You, you probably wouldn’t know me in the street. You, you don’t even have me on your friends list on FacebookYou, you died and yet I feel sadness for you passing. You.

Monday, 3 October 2016

FOOD ATTITUDE

SI've been thinking a lot about diet and exercise and well, just being more aware of my own eating habits. The only problem with this, is of course I then start to examine peoples around me. Then it dawned on me! Big no no people. Keep your nose out! Nothing is more irritating to someone when  your food consumption is lowered. it is noted, ' can you eat that stuff.' Or ' oh well you can't eat much anymore can you.' Well firstly yes and I can still make a massive pig of myself, trust me! 

My whole relationship to food has changed. There is still some demons in there tho. Emotions are still massively connected to food. Feeling a bit low? Fuck it I am eating this. Angry eating. I don’t need to dwell too much on this as I think most people understand the connection. Before I would eat because I was happy, content. I lost weight when I was low and down.' Being a miserable cunt made me slim' I can see the daily mail picking it up now! 

Why is different this time? A question a lot of dieters ask themselves.
It’s the attitude to food. Find myself forgetting what time it is, or it not registering that it's dinner time. Seriously my two oldest boys are the ones that remind me it's time to eat. Again, many have also gone all day without thinking about food. Then eating food is about just getting something in your tummy. So fast but low fat dinners that taste pretty good make that inconvenience go away. 
Being on medication makes me, make a point of eating and again fruit, yoghurts and snack bars are to hand to end the need for food to take meds. 
Being diabetic the big one. I have to eat or by blood sugar goes too low and I feel weak, dizzy and can pass out. Don’t eat foods to high in sugars or carbs or you can start to feel ill, headache, blurred vision and possible vomit. Body starts to react differently to food. I used to be able to eat that shit all day long, but not it makes me sick when I eat it! I can't eat too much or I feel sick. And have often been sick due to not stopping when I've felt full. When you, ' hit the wall' I leave food on my plate now. It's bizarre! 

If I told you to look at food like it's your ex, would it explain the love, hate relationship between us. It loved me and I got fat. Not I don’t want to be fat its being a dick and making me ill. So we limit our contact and deal with each other on the days and times that we need to deal with each other. But now I pull the face like your husband just reminded you we need to pop to someone's house. You know the look, the oooof really do I have to? Can't I call in sick... kinda look 
That is where I am at. I no longer sit and plan what cunning delights I was going to enjoy. I now plan my shop to be able to have food readily available to eat or cook that allows me to follow a healthy eating plan that don’t, a make me fat or b make me ill. I kinda hate 'food' for everything it has done to and for me. Strange as it was always me that made that choice to eat it. But I can ghost 'food' for being a part of it. 
I used to love my food. And here and there I do. But basically now it's just a source I need to function and live out my days. I eat to live, not live to eat. I gotta food attitude!

Tuesday, 27 September 2016

BOOZE CABINET

....When I was a kid my mum and dad had a booze cabinet! A fucking booze cabinet! A whole section of sideboard ( when people had side boards ) 

When people had fucking booze cabinets! What ever happened to those? I am betting my sock draw that there are not many people that have bottles and bottles of various bottles of booze stashed away in a cupboard! A bottle maybe? A wine rack perhaps? Bottom of the fridge got a bottle been there for months?

Now this is where I got my taste on. My parents had some seriously funky bottles of booze. From banana liqueurs, Pernod, Scotch, all different kinds of vodka, peach 20/20, Tia MariaMalibubacardi, the ones that had names I remember and can spell! There was always beer and bitter in the garage too. Bar b q's, parties I guess.

So I got to figure out what was vile and rancid or what was palatable. I spent a lot of time in a pub as well. A good friends' family owned and worked in a pub in the town. This too helped me get my taste. I did love a bit of scrumpy jack! But my tipple was southern comfort, lemonade with lime. * shudders* I mean I drank whatever I could get a hold of at this point but when a party was happening that would be what me and the close friend would get brought for us. " excuse me sire can you get me 10 b and h and a box of matches please" lol 

it took around 4 or 5 times of drinking southern comfort to work out it  was that, that made me throw up!

I was such a shitbag when I was a kid. 

my son thinks he can have little tastes here and there. fair enough. would be an expensive experiment lol!
Hahahahahaha whatever happened to the booze cabinet?