MORE FAKING IT MOMENTS

Staying within the realms of faking it.

I feel that my last post was just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to faking it. Having had to look at the different roles that we all play within our lives, there are many aspects that we all ‘fake it.’ So from faking the happy, being surprised, shocked and even being annoyed. We can all feel the need to fake it. For a family member maybe, work colleagues or even fellow students, we can pretend to act or react in a way that someone, or society wants or expects us to.

I have myself been an offender in this case, I had a manager I could not stand, yet I played nice.(While mentally plotting their painful death) I have worked with people, so horrible that I wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire, yet I had to fake that shit daily. We all have family and partners or ex partners’ family members that at some point there has had to be some faking it. For myself, I have had to hold back and not freak out,(hard hard hard!!) but I have out of the respect for my parents. I am sure I am not alone, when I admit I faked it on many occasions that have brought a partners family into play and that too has been very interesting. Dependant on my mood of course, there has been times when having to not want to hold back, I have been disliked by many (amazing right!)an ex partners family for this. One ex’s family member in particular, hated me with a passion and went to all kinds of lengths to banish me from there area of the ex’s life. It was not long before we came face to face. They could not even look at me so in true Melidiot fashion, I did not kick off, no, no, no, I simply hugged them tight and gave them the wettest kiss on the lips possible, when I left.

I have faked it with other ex partners’ family members, even after the ex and I broke up. I was in a situation where I was around this particular person. If you had been sitting watching me fake it you would have thought about how painful it was to watch. This person really did loath me and my constant attempts to lure them in to a conversation was just silly on my part. I Really should not have bothered. 

People really do know when they are not liked don’t they? It’s not paranoia of sorts to think; OK they so don’t like me. It would be naïve to think you are going to be liked by everyone. ( so i don't bother trying anymore) It’s a statistical fact that there are people you simple just do not connect with.

Nonetheless, I seem to have a problem of sorts with authority. Always have, always will. I didn’t like my teachers at school – OK maybe 2 or 3 really cool teachers but the rest could bite me! I am not a big fan of being told what to do, especially being told in a way that makes me feel like I am a child! So anyone that does talk to me/ down to me in that manner tends to piss me off. Now it’s not that I have a, ‘I know everything so shut the fuck up.’ Complex no, no, no!

I have issues of course! I like to feel equal. yet, I have a number of defences in place, I admit that. I am working on my self awareness in that respect. Nevertheless, some of them defences come off badly and could be misunderstood to people that don’t know me. Once I have let down the walls a bit and they see who I really am, the connection seems to change and I go from being disliked to liked and loved. My alter ego appears to be a right c*nt!  - Shocker
( I would like to say that I am currently working on this. )

So anyway, that was more on my faking it issue. I still have not covered every angle on this one subject. Yet, I will leave it like that for now. I want to thank you all for your continued support in my writing.