ACHOOOO

It was so calm; so quiet, I could hear the 3 birds that do live close to my house.  I could hear the cars travelling down the road. I lay stretched out enjoying the sunshine and the piece and quiet. Then out of no where, the loudest Achoooooooooooooo you had ever heard. So loud I swear they could hear it 3 towns over. It was so loud it scared the living shit out of me.

Cheers- Ryan!

I had forgotten he was even in the house. (Playing the Xbox) His sneeze startled me and it was not even in the same room as me.

Achooooooooooooooo

 Another one! Bloody hell Ryan can you sneeze a bit less loudly please?  I would like to say that this was one of the first times I have complained about Ryan’s sneezing but alas.

 I asked him many years ago,’ why o why do you have to allow your sneeze to be an almightily, out the nose and out your mouth?’ an a a a a a achooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  In reply he said,’ well I don’t mind sneezing so if ya going to do it, do it good.’  He then asked me,' why do you hold yours in?'

Anyone will know you can not simply hold a sneeze in. I do however squeak when I sneeze as I tense my whole body up so I do not explode in a massive achhhhhoooooooo. Does that lessen the sensation that sneezing induces? Not from where I sit. 

My face may well look all distorted and look very much like I am sucking on bitter lemons but I do this in order to lessen the outward sound of sneezing but the relief is still there.

Don’t get me wrong Ryan is a good lad but he dose suffer from gay fever – I mean hay fever and so the sneezing this time of year can start to grate. While in the car with him when he sneezes the sneeze is ear piercingly loud. While sitting minding your own business he will have a fit of 5 or 6 super loud super snotty sneezing. I wish I could tell you that it was only during the summer but when he has a cold he also sneeze's the same – snot and spittle being spread everywhere -  nice one Ryan.

achoooooooooo

I have been known to suffer on occasion with hay fever symptoms and some might remember last year I blogged about it.  I had only started to suffer recently and I would claim that I have a severe case. (Probably a normal case to veteran hay fever sufferers) but mine was a doosey.

My nose was like the never ending tap of snot, eyes didn’t stop watering and sneeze, sneeze sneeze all the way home.

achoooooooooooooooo

As many might know that 7 sneezes is the equivalent of an orgasm, so it is no hardship dealing with the sneeze. However, my nose did not stop running. So unattractive. In order to clear some of that mega snot, I would allow myself a full nose sneeze. Permitting my 102 miles per hours sneeze to blow through and clear out my nose (into a tissue of course).

Although, in true Melidiot fashion it will not surprise you that I have sneezed from my nose without a tissue.

Slightly embarrassing –totally –

Messy – extremely-

Refreshing – absolutely.

And so my moan about Ryan’s stupidly loud sneezing comes to an end.

COUGH*

***WARNING***

ADULT -SEXUAL CONTENT

I was debating if I should post this. Only as I know there are a few people that might not enjoy it. I have opinion about most things and this is just another silly niggle.  Now I want to just establish that this is my own thoughts and my own feelings on the topic and it is my own issues to why I feel what I feel and think what I think. I will give ya 50 guesses – what it is about...

Now before y’all get all, 'who does she think she is,' I know my station and I know I am not taken seriously as a writer. I self published a book – big whop that don’t make me some expert on book writing so my opinion is just from a book lovers view.

Yep you guessed it ‘fifty shades of grey’ you would need to be living under a rock to not have heard the hype on this fantastic book series. Now I have no issue with the writer or the writing. The writer has given the public a brilliant, relatable and addictive totally enchanting read! No question.

However, having read this book I could not help but have a massive feeling of déjà- vu any other twilight fans out there feeling this? It all seems a bit similar. Granted I have not read the second nor the third book but I have heard that ‘grey' goes missing for a while in the second book and then comes back. Hum really – new moon?

 Anyway yes the sex stuff is sooo not twilight I felt that was very clever. For those people out there that have used computers and internet longer than a decade might remember that kind of thing online – back then it was called cybering!

It doesn’t take a genius to write smut. It just takes someone horny that dreams of that touch that makes your heart flutter. Most writers (as I imagine) can write love as much as they can write sex. Describing feelings and sensations is what writing is about – shit

He rested his body against the car door, looking cool and confident. bastard. I knew what he wanted. He had a weird fascination with wanting people to see us. So it was no surprise that in the middle of a brightly lit, busy car park he was baiting me to move closer to him. I could see in his eyes that he wanted me to kiss him right there and then.

“What?” I ask

He lifts his chin and smiles with a wicked glint in his baby blue eyes. I have to admit he was looking rather gorgeous in the black shirt; I loved it when he left his top two buttons undone. I could feel myself smile he knew he had me – hook line and sinker. I move slowly towards him. One step at a time. The heat flushes through me as I know the kiss I will share with him will take me to another place. I loved kissing this sexy man in front of me. I kept my eyes on his. 

Another step I am inches away from his body. I lean towards him resting my hands on the car door one each side of his shoulders. I can smell him, Paul Smith. mmyummy. He knows me so well, not a single day has gone by when I have not fancied this man. I move a little closer and my breasts gently brush against his shirt. His smiling, I tilt my head and slowly move my face closer to his. He moves his face towards mine, and moves his hands from his pockets to my hips. He holds me firmly. I slowly brush my nose on his looking at his eyes. His excited. hehehe I slowly brush my top lip over his plump moist bottom lip. His mouth is slightly parted, I slowly and gently brush my tongue over his top lip, and I feel his breath on my mouth. He pulls me against him and presses his lips on mine, slowly sliding his tongue into my mouth. One of his hands ssweeps down to cup my arse and the other slides up under my top and rests it on the small of my back. I move my hands from leaning on the car to the back of his neck where I slide my fingers into his hair, he holds my body close to his pushing himself against me. I close my eyes and let him take me to that place. Completely forgetting we are standing in a busy car park in a multi complex with hundreds of people around.

Cough *

Can you see me poking my tongue out now?

Anyway back to the point.The whole story drove me nuts. Only because it was everything I hate in a man – at the start he just wanted the sex. He didn’t want the love – 'I don’t make love – I fuck hard’ ass-hole! Me- I am all about the love. I guess that is what I am a twilight fan!

I won’t lie the book- the novel that I am currently working on and have been for a number of years has some sex scenes. It also has hot women and cars in it. – The hype has made me want to get it done. I have the summer holidays to finish the manuscript and get it sent off to see if I can get picked up! This book is my baby and it is not going out until it is totally 100% ready. The thing that I now have to decide is whether I continue on with a psychology module for that the summer time or to write. I have deffo got the writing bug back. So hard to know what to do...

Sorry to the readers that didn’t enjoy this post.

WAITING....

And so the waiting continues. Two weeks into the wait for exam results. Has it really been 2 weeks? Feels like 20! Only on the waiting game, the rest of the day’s activities seem to just fly by. The half term has been and gone and as of tomorrow the kids and I are back to school and college, which is weird, being as I have completed my portfolio and exam, yet I still have to attend college. Can’t imagine what we will do other than look at next year (something we have already done and exhausted) and there is still no guarantee that there will be a class local next year. Might mean a weekly drive to Colchester – nice!

Since my last post about my fat ass, I have not done a great deal to diet or exercise, which is sad to admit. However, this week the start of weight watchers and yoga 3 times a week. Zumba 2 times a week and soon to join the gym, I have plans in place to beat the bulge.

Why is this time different?

I personally feel that this is one question that a weight watcher leader should ask anyone that has attempted the programme before. Clearly the having to re-join is proof enough that the pervious joining was an epic fail. Myself like many have failed - with no weight loss. Failed to stay interested, failed to bother. Achieved a weight loss but gained back plus some. So really why is this time different for me. Have I had a massive shock to my health that has made me frighten into working on my health? Has being alone for a while helped me see that being over weight is unattractive and my belly n arse will never win me the nice gentleman friend that I deep down wish for? No and no.

Granted I have often said that no one will ever want me or love me because of the way I look. This was a stupid thought. I understand that looks are on some level important. But they are no way the means to an end. I also appreciate that men like to look at someone with legs up to the armpits and ooze sex, however I have come to see that is an ego thing, and not all men want that as the main reason to be with someone. (the trophy wife?)

It is all a bit deeper than that and I can see that now. So I can be comfortable with the fact that my personality and my heart, my soul and my essence is what will be the main elements of love. The reason this time is different, is because this time I know it is for me. It is not to win someone, impress someone, keep someone, and make someone love me. This is for me to feel comfortable in my skin as I am comfortable with whom I am. So some food changes and some active living will help me feel better about me. I want to like shopping for clothes, normal size clothes from the nice shops! I know I can do it as I have done it before. My reasons have changed but my goals are achievable so onward and upward my friends.

·        * I ‘m trying to think of something melidiot that I have done recently.*

Nope can’t think of anything, totally distracted by the TV – ah yes TV I am so into my trashy TV right now. I am fighting the urge to watch big brother!

Be back with more soon....