WAITING....

And so the waiting continues. Two weeks into the wait for exam results. Has it really been 2 weeks? Feels like 20! Only on the waiting game, the rest of the day’s activities seem to just fly by. The half term has been and gone and as of tomorrow the kids and I are back to school and college, which is weird, being as I have completed my portfolio and exam, yet I still have to attend college. Can’t imagine what we will do other than look at next year (something we have already done and exhausted) and there is still no guarantee that there will be a class local next year. Might mean a weekly drive to Colchester – nice!

Since my last post about my fat ass, I have not done a great deal to diet or exercise, which is sad to admit. However, this week the start of weight watchers and yoga 3 times a week. Zumba 2 times a week and soon to join the gym, I have plans in place to beat the bulge.

Why is this time different?

I personally feel that this is one question that a weight watcher leader should ask anyone that has attempted the programme before. Clearly the having to re-join is proof enough that the pervious joining was an epic fail. Myself like many have failed - with no weight loss. Failed to stay interested, failed to bother. Achieved a weight loss but gained back plus some. So really why is this time different for me. Have I had a massive shock to my health that has made me frighten into working on my health? Has being alone for a while helped me see that being over weight is unattractive and my belly n arse will never win me the nice gentleman friend that I deep down wish for? No and no.

Granted I have often said that no one will ever want me or love me because of the way I look. This was a stupid thought. I understand that looks are on some level important. But they are no way the means to an end. I also appreciate that men like to look at someone with legs up to the armpits and ooze sex, however I have come to see that is an ego thing, and not all men want that as the main reason to be with someone. (the trophy wife?)

It is all a bit deeper than that and I can see that now. So I can be comfortable with the fact that my personality and my heart, my soul and my essence is what will be the main elements of love. The reason this time is different, is because this time I know it is for me. It is not to win someone, impress someone, keep someone, and make someone love me. This is for me to feel comfortable in my skin as I am comfortable with whom I am. So some food changes and some active living will help me feel better about me. I want to like shopping for clothes, normal size clothes from the nice shops! I know I can do it as I have done it before. My reasons have changed but my goals are achievable so onward and upward my friends.

·        * I ‘m trying to think of something melidiot that I have done recently.*

Nope can’t think of anything, totally distracted by the TV – ah yes TV I am so into my trashy TV right now. I am fighting the urge to watch big brother!

Be back with more soon....