BAD MEL

I don't know what to say, I am ashamed with myself, I have been a terrible person, can you ever forgive me? 

It has been almost  a year since I even opened my blog. I should be taken out to the woods and stoned. How could I have let this happen? Some shameful shit I know! 

  

but but but 

I have excuses? I have valid and justifiable reasons why my 6-7 minutes of free time has been spent playing stupid games like farm heroes, candy crush, blossom and bejeweled blitz. Now I am not going to blame anyone........ 

:) The choices I've made have lead me here. All I can do is apologize for neglecting my blogging world. I can only promise to try harder or to manage my time slightly better. There has always been masses of benefits to my coming here to rant and vent. Mentally and spiritually I feel this is my therapy and it shouldn't be taken lightly. 

sooo we are planning our wedding...

 August is the big month for us. The prep work has started. We are gathering up needs and wants and being a bit cut throat with out decisions. For many that know, this is not my first wedding but I have come to 

understand that this is my first marriage. Now, I am not one to take away from the others that said,
'i do' to me but clearly those words were loose. The moment of impact there probably was enough love to justify the wedding vows but as my time on earth gets longer I come to see, that is not all that is needed. It wasn't always about what the other person was willing to give over but it was about me and what I was willing to give over. I am finally there. 38 years old this year and a lifetime of mistakes, 
adventures, counselling, learning, awareness and life has brought me to this point. I feel it 

wouldn't matter if I said, 'I know in my heart or I know what feels right when I've felt what's wrong'
that is not going to matter to anyone. I am sure people will have their opinions and judgments 

regardless. so we are planning a day of love, food, drink, music and family in the hopes of sharing 
our marriage commitment to each other, with our nearest and dearest and I cannot wait! 

  

I may blog about some frustrating shit that I need to overcome the next few months I may not but I will try and let my mindful monster free on the screen more often, because you  know I am a funny fucker. 

  

  

Because I am so happy and so incredibly proud of my family and of my kids I thought I'd share a couple of pics.

I'll be back......