FACEBOOK

Facebook according to me - Melissa Swaby and soon to give birth to a pen name and Character this will be my alter ego! My writer persona! My everything Mel too pussy to say!

So Facebook has become a very fascinating psychological study. Soon 'they' will issue some kind of bullshit study suggesting noticing certain behaviour. 'They' will teach joe public to notice some things about a persons profile. 'They' will constantly change the goal posts!
Firstly 'they' - probably a PhD connected to the government that has make up from some kind of agency they looks for 'suspicious internet activities.'
Secondly - this will be issued as a 'help keep safe online' they might even throw a 'for you and your family.' Spin in order to plant the seed everywhere!
Thirdly you can't have a final conclusion about something that is constantly used and can evolve in an incredible manner.

Serious how can you a, have a concussion in a study? And b, base fact over an individuals idea. That second one wasn't a question!

The idea,
Excellent idea! Perfect for old and young absolute genius is Facebook!
Sadly it can be used by predators looking for there pray. So the psychological profile of a bullshitting sociopath can be created.

Like myself - going to invent an alter ego- she will be a person - in my head- but am I that good a writer, psychological profile wannabe that I could fool people in thinking I was something I wanted you to see! Again sounds like a question but it wasn't!

Everyone on Facebook that uses it to stay connected- and I say that as there are people that have a Facebook profile bit literally never use Facebook or will scroll a feed once a week to 'get the low down.' On the people they have on there friends or people they like to know about. So almost everyone;) posts 'something' that shouts out something about how they think!

You are thinking now eh?! Are you a sociopath? Almost everyone is! We have to be. Anyway that's a different post!

How many people do you know that post selfies every- fucking day? According to some moron - these 'types of people' are narcissist!

Would YOU agree?

And again, 'apparently' some muggy melt suggests, 'a dissatisfied person' will post constant pictures of animals! Did you know that?

Haha course you didn't because I just made that up! But now you think about you know I am probably right on some level!
Anyway I don't really care if you do agree or not. This is Facebook according to me Melissa Swaby soon to be....

TS


P.S I know I sound like I have conspiracy theory! ;)


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Talk to who about writing?

Who? Who do I talk to about writing?
I need to re-package my amazon page, pic on front and back, a full mind numbing edit and re arrange maybe a title change! My name change a re self publish process that is both painful and can be expensive!
I need to give it another chance with a new look and more stories in a bigger book of short stories. It's not like I've not got any! I have so many! In pen and on computers! I say computers because I have a file on my old desktop computer but it's broke and fuck knows how you get the hard drive out and in some place else! Again painful, expensive!
Where to start?
Need to PAY an editor to reset my mistakes, then pay the publishing service for a proof copy!
Do I know how to get picked up by a publisher? Kind of ish maybe I used to know how. Just a manuscript written in 10 aerial font with 1 and a half inch border around the outside ( for editor) and correct grammatical and punctual paragraphs that need to be set out in a very particular way! Oh yes the joys. Why I've been stalling to be honest. So I can do this on the cheap!! Fuck yea!! Easy! Erm
Anyone want to edit my work? For nothing? Or some cupcakes? Hair cut??


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Location:La la land

THE EMPATH IN ME

THE EMPATH IN ME

I've spoke about me so much on my blog but still wonder if anyone really knows me. I ask this question out loud today not because I am a narcissist but because I have only really started to know me so how could I assume others do? I find myself in a situation that has me stumped. So if I can't figure out  'who am I and what does that mean to me?' How could any of my nearest and dearest ever utter such as bold claim as to the knowing of me? 

Me, is an empath. Correction. Me, thinks it's an empath. Me, has researched this gift and spoke to others that feel as me does. Me, was called an empath at a party some 15 years ago. When me was asked why me does not drink. " I don’t need to drink, I can feel drunk off everyone here. I seem to absorb the feelings around me like a sponge." 15 years ago! Maybe longer. 

Some might think this is a load of bollocks, flimflam, utter nonsense. That’s up to them. There is a difference between being empathic and being an empath.  

The answer google with give you. 

On the surface, being an empath seems very similar to feeling empathy because an empath also have the ability to share someone else's experience. However, empaths tune into another living creature's experience intuitively, without relying on external cues to do so. 

Me - I can literally feel your feelings. I can sense the emotion from you and it can get stronger the closer to you I am. And not necessary in presence. Sometimes when thinking deeply about someone I can kinda sense if there is a strong feeling at the other end and can sense and identify ( now) emotion that’s not my own. This is very tiring and can change how I feel instantly.  

Have I ever rang you unexpectedly or been to see you or said, just had a feeling? Or called me spookie for knowing something? It took such a long time to recognise different feelings. To understand what was mine and what was around me. How to try and home into someones feelings so I could 'sense' the emotion over the actions or body language that didn’t make sense. It was a confusing time. I soon learnt not to try and sense someone else's feelings too deeply. 

It took me many many years to work this out. I was drawn to the feelings of others and for a few years I actually thought I was destined to be a counsellor.  I felt such a strong reaction to the different feelings and situations that changed how people felt. Allowing me to lower my walls to understand myself. This in turn allowed me to see that being a counsellor was not my direction. I was too sensitive for it. I felt everything around me and I felt every second of anxious thoughts, feelings, grief, despair, regret, guilt, pain, hopelessness, frustration and self loathing. Too sensitive? Or aware of my limits perhaps. It was emotionally and physically exhausting and felt me confused and drained. 

The more I studied the more I could identify my own feelings again I could separate the difference in feelings. I could desensitise to others and home in on my own. I feel this was one of the best things that could of happened to me.  

Rrecently I am reacting to a feeling or situation that I can sense.  I can't explain or work out the emotion or feelings of the sense and I cannot work out where it Is coming from. I seem to sense this feeling daily- now -and sometimes it is strongest when I am physically closer to my son.  

I'll figure it out. It's not the most uncomfortable of senses but I know when its there and when it's gone. So strong but different, so different. Anyways. There is a bit of me right there. Take it, leave it, throw it away.  

Love from  

Me

GETTING NOTICED

So whilst I shatter my child's dream I sit and reflect on the whole conversation and I wonder how I got here. Discouraging my son to see ' youtube channel dude' as a career  I found myself in full on rant. It went a little something like this, 

You can't gamble on such a thing as fame and being noticed Charlie, it's too fickle. People get bored too easily these days. If you are not doing something new and different or ' trending' you don’t get noticed! That’s a lot to gamble with. You get 12 years ( total guess work) at school. Why waste ( yes I said waste) your time on ' after school I am going to be a youtube challenger!'  !! 

 How about use that 12 years to learn something you can always keep. A trade. And get really good at that passion while keeping the youtube thing as just fun!  

Charlie, he argued his point in a valid manner but I wasn’t listening and so I went on ranting... 

Its just not worth the gamble Charlie, because then you have 12 years you can't get back, probably hundreds of pounds down from trying to get noticed by a sponsor, waiting to see if someone comes across your page or channel! 

I wrote a book Charlie! ( you can hear me say that with such emotion) I have a book on sale on amazon right now! But fuck if not even my own kids ain't got my website or blog saved on their favorites! None of family look at my writing!! You don't read my blogs Charlie noone does I could say what the fuck I wanted and no one is reading! And money? I think maybe I brought even on spend out to money back! In fact Charlie and it has been 3 yearsssssss since I' ve seen a cheque from amazon! The only money I made back from that was what my family brought!! 

And step out for some air..... 

100 words of writing

I know it's there. I know it's been there a long time. Just like that busted up, rusty table in the garden. It's been there a while. I've delayed throwing the fucking thing out time after time but I'll get to. If it rusts itself to death then it will be doing me a favour. If someone took it, then it's there problem so I just leave it there. Till I am ready to throw the fucking thing out.
I know it's there. I know it's been there a long time.

FOR MY MUM - PART TWO

continued..

I see her. I see her now more than ever. I see her strength and her love. I see her pain. I can feel her pain inside my gut right now. The deep ache inside her chest. I see her worry and concern. I see her trying, trying to stay hopeful and supportive. I see her as her heart breaks. 

I get it!  

I might have had some insightful things happen over the years but this one. This one, It was a moment I needed to share. To thank my mum for having to, 'just let her do it.' Knowing I had no where to settle long term, seeing me collect up all my little niknaks that I acquired over the years, gifts, birthdays, Christmases. Some things being thrown away and some bits having an emotional connection to an absolute must. Knowing we were not simply round the corner either. Knowing that I wouldn’t see then for a few weeks not days or hours. Knowing of all the pitfalls without plans but letting me take that step on that day. I can hand apon heart say I don’t know how the fuck you did it but you did. You showed me strength, courage, unknowing, faith, support, love and trust you showed me hope and optimism you showed me so much. Sorry it took so long  to thank you for this particular 'moment' in my unfinished book of Mel. 

I still have that sense of adventure now. I know what will be will be and if it's not meant to happen then I know there is a reason. I have faith because of you and trust in that faith too. I know one day if I were to become more than I am now it would be because I followed it there. And I would take that step just like the first step that day with some knowledge of what might happen or some idea of what the consequences of that first step might be. But I will always knowingly take that first step. I can't stand still because of you and I thank you for that. I love you mum. Now go blow ya nose ;)