FOR MY MUM- PART ONE

The writer in me is saying to warn you that I have NOT edited these two pieces of writing. This is my RAW writing where I have not changed my original words or phases. I have not even done a grammar sweep. Sorry if its not a good read.

I can see her. She is hesitating but not from fear. She knows. She has walked through this door thousands and thousands of times but this time, this time was different. She walking out of this door for a exciting reason. To walk through her own door a place she will call 'home' and she will be partly responsible for this home. She is excited you can see but the sadness the tears. Might not make too much sense. I see her. I admire her, I fucking love her! All that future and all that she has ahead of her. The strength I see in her for doing what she wanted. For doing something scary. For doing something that no one knew what the outcome would be. Her sense of adventure and faith in those around her. The fact she don’t doubt their support. The way she wants to tackle the struggles of life and look forward to the outcome as it might be a surprise. Not everyone's lives were written with the same color ink. Her life was going in so many directions the choices must have been overwhelming! I see her, stepping out the door. Should I stop her? Would I stop her If I was there right now? No I wouldn’t. Do I wish I could give her some future tips? Of course but then I wouldn’t be right here right now if that were the case. She walks out knowing that the second her feet were out the struggle would officially start. She is not walking into a already set up home that has years of heart and sweat poured into it. No she don't actually have a home to walk into. The future was uncertain but hopeful. The struggle to find that place she will call home and a means to be responsible for it, yet to be in sight. I see her she welcomes the challenge.  

Heart pumping fast, excitement and a small presence of fear. She closes her eyes and simply says, what will be, will be.