continued..
I see her. I see her now more than ever. I see her strength and her love. I see her pain. I can feel her pain inside my gut right now. The deep ache inside her chest. I see her worry and concern. I see her trying, trying to stay hopeful and supportive. I see her as her heart breaks.
I get it!
I might have had some insightful things happen over the years but this one. This one, It was a moment I needed to share. To thank my mum for having to, 'just let her do it.' Knowing I had no where to settle long term, seeing me collect up all my little niknaks that I acquired over the years, gifts, birthdays, Christmases. Some things being thrown away and some bits having an emotional connection to an absolute must. Knowing we were not simply round the corner either. Knowing that I wouldn’t see then for a few weeks not days or hours. Knowing of all the pitfalls without plans but letting me take that step on that day. I can hand apon heart say I don’t know how the fuck you did it but you did. You showed me strength, courage, unknowing, faith, support, love and trust you showed me hope and optimism you showed me so much. Sorry it took so long to thank you for this particular 'moment' in my unfinished book of Mel.
I still have that sense of adventure now. I know what will be will be and if it's not meant to happen then I know there is a reason. I have faith because of you and trust in that faith too. I know one day if I were to become more than I am now it would be because I followed it there. And I would take that step just like the first step that day with some knowledge of what might happen or some idea of what the consequences of that first step might be. But I will always knowingly take that first step. I can't stand still because of you and I thank you for that. I love you mum. Now go blow ya nose ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment