SERIOUSLY DEEP

TOO DEEP!?!

I know I can be pretty deep. I think this is something some family members have seen for years. I can be freely comical and take the piss. I can rant about bullshit and I can have a point about something I believe in. all these things make me human. But my high is high and my low is low... Sometimes I wonder am I too deep or is this something I should embrace as part of me? So….

I started my blog because I love to write, I was advised to write daily if I was serious about writing and drawing from personal experiences is often the best kinds of writing.

Yet, I sat hesitating whether or not to blog today. I hesitated because I wondered if it was too personal. Then I thought about what my blog means to me, and it is what I say on the top.

A PLACE WHERE I CAN SIMPLY BE.

…So… my over thinking….I guess on some level this is a good thing but then it can be seen as something dangerous. My thinking, or over thinking, situations or problems often lead to something coming to a head. (I call this digging for an answer) This in turn is something I feel is productive as it makes the problem/ situation more understandable or even make the problem disappear.

I have been told a number of times I should not over think things and I should relax. In some cases my over thinking has been plentiful and has helped many situations be resolved. So when something feels natural to do and has at times, not always had a fantastic result but has lead to an honest outcome for all parties, how and why should you stop doing it?

My over thinking seems to cause a lot of problems for other people as much as for myself. I want to live an honest life and I wish to know what I can do to help, adjust or change something I can. In a lot of cases there is not much I can do but where I can... I will.

I had a moment of enlightenment and have seen something that I might have not wanted to see before. But now that I see it I am happy to deal with it. However, the fall out of that causes pain and discomfort for another person.

Dilemma? I am not sure. We have to be happy with our life right, as we are the only ones in our life’s that can do/change/ adjust certain aspects of it.

I have been called many things over my 32 years of life, for the things I do and say. I have been called selfish more than once.

Is looking after myself selfish?

I have openly confessed to having narcissistic and masochistic tendencies, I feel that sadomasochism is now something I can add.

Self discovery is a bitch but understanding the ‘why’ is what is important.

Many of you might be thinking what the fuck are you on about Mel?

Then here it is. I have often wondered about human behaviour and the why behind it. The over thinking and wanting to know the, ‘why’ has fizzled out many friendships and relationships. My first question the first time I sat in the client chair was ‘why’. Why am I alone?

I am sure everyone has an opinion on this. I have and shall continue to search to find the answer, today I just got a little peek into why. I allow myself to enter into things and situations that cause me pain and discomfort. A lot of family members know that I have radar for the most fucked up people on the planet. It has become a joke amongst us that I can sure pick em. Often I enter into these things for the wrong reasons. Simply I have to stop doing this. Ha lol how do you change a habit of a lifetime?

‘I could have told you that Mel for fuck sake!’…..I hear you yell.  I know, I know, sometimes you just have to see it and feel it for yourself.