FRIDAY

Friday….

Well I am not even sure where this week has gone but gone it has J this is a good thing I feel.

The summer holidays have blazed off to a great start and I seem to have adopted another child for the holidays. This is not a big deal mind, he is a sweet lad and Robert really enjoys his company as much as he enjoys Robert’s. I am going to have to see what happens over the next few weeks I am sure.

As August fast approaches and birthday week looms, I find myself skinty skinty poos. I have cards and pressies for all those who has a birthday next week (expect myself of course lol) should be nice all the same.

I recently enquired about some volunteer work for the charity ‘MIND’. MIND is a mental health charity and counselling service. I was sent out a volunteer pack and was asked to get all parts filled in for a training course to start in the summer 2011. The lady I spoke with was eager for me to get the application in. So I went on to fill out the form, only to hit a couple of small snags.

Do I have criminal convictions?

I don’t know do I?

Not as an adult but I was cautioned as a teenager. Does that count?

I have to agree to being vetted and that is not a problem. But is a caution for shop lifting a criminal conviction?

Plus I have to have 2 referees that can provide my stability for working around vulnerable people. Now normally I think this would be piss easy, yet all the professional people I feel that I could ask (outside of family) are now off on the six weeks holidays and are now difficult to track down. However, I do know a police officer and was told if you get a police officer to put their name on your form this will show good things (Upstanding member of community ect, ect) and if I could get them to sign off and vouch for my stability then great. Or so I thought. So I ask in advance would you mind being a referee for me la la la. and he was all like yea sure no problem. So I sit and wait for him to give me details to put on my form. I figure I would ask HIM about the criminal convictions thingy. (He's old bill after all!) This is where it all went wrong. I offered up the information that I was arrested as a teenager and he soon back tracked his offer to be a referee for me. As I was cautioned at the age of 14, this puts me at a risk of re offending. So he would not vouch for me because of this.

Now I was absolutely fucking LIVID at this BULLSHIT. He tried to make nice with sorry and its not that I think you should not do this. I pipe up well yea, because you even said yourself that putting your name on this form says you vouch for me. And that you not putting your (wanky cunty) name on my form suggests you will not vouch for me because of something I did years ago, so thanks and bye. And off I stomp. I have spoken to a couple of people about this and everyone that I have with agrees that this guy is a TOTAL DICK. Now I maybe wrong in thinking this and he totally had the right to say no. Now if he felt I was a risk to other people then he should have come out and said that. As I feel, this is the only reason he should not have put his name on the application. But because I had a caution (or three) when I was 14 (19 years ago) he would not put his name on my application for the fear that if I was to be naughty now, he would lose his job and pension. I have not even got caught for speeding, I don’t fucking drink. OMFG seriously, AM I BEING A TOSSER here or what? Because I can not see what the problem is?

So now I have had to stalk my tutor from college and I have asked a dear friend that has known me over a decade to vouch for my stability to work with MIND.

Now this has allowed me to over think. Should I even bother? Why does what I did as a child reflect on me now as an adult? How many other people see me as a bad person because I fucked up? Really is this the world I brought my kids into? Maybe I am over thinking the actions of a TOTAL DICK but I have to allow the idea that he is right, surely?

I want to help people; I want to give my free time to a cause I feel is important. It feels kind of shit, the idea that someone might see me as not stable or trustworthy enough to work with people that need and want comfort and help. I can’t help but have confidence issues at this point. I can understand that some people may not trust me for the things I have done and said as an adult so this has made me re think if this whole direction is for me. I am more aware of my actions than ever so I feel that I should be trusted and seen as the person I am today.

Did I just try and justify myself then. Maybe, I really should not have to. Maybe I should tell the people that don’t trust (because they don’t make time to know me) to do one?

However, that aside I have continued to fill in the form (cautions included) and I am just waiting on my tutor to  OK her name on my form and I will be taking the application down there myself. If I get shooed away then so be it but I am not, not going to try because of someone else.

I can’t help but feel bad at this point L

I am still waiting on my assignment results. I feel I kicked arse on this assignment so I am excited to get my results, even if they are shit. I am proud of my work on this one, it might not totally fit in with that the OU want but I enjoyed it all the same. Not the subject so much as it was rubbish. Results any day now J