MELIDIOT RULES

I am going to go out on a limb here and assume that I am not the only parent that makes rules for their children. Only to then find out a second too late that they have just broken their own rule. I could fluff it over with something like, ‘The rules for adults are not the same as the rules for the kids.’ (So ner) OR, ‘Do as I say not as I do.’ (Pokes out tongue) I found myself in a pickle at the early hours of this morning. That would not have come about if I had taken the rules I constantly nag my children to abide. Readers will know I have no problem sharing my inappropriate life lessons, happenings and such. Be it utter bollocks or not I will share this with you.

I insist that my children turn the light on when going to the toilet or getting a drink in the middle of the night. I do not have any lights left on. So pitch black and this has caused some very unappetizing accidents, trips, and toe stubbing. (I am sure you get the idea) So nag nag nag at the children. Turn. The. Light. On!

I wake up at around 2.49am from a rather disturbing sleep. I am parched and get out of bed to fetch myself a drink.  (For most that don’t know I have not got great eye sight and I should wear my glasses a lot more than I do. This fact is important later)

Lamp next to my bed – light not turned on. (I didn’t stub my toe on the end of the bed.) I continue to pad to the;

Landing, light switch at the top of the stairs not turned on. (Could have crashed down the stairs, but no.)

Hall way, the light switch in front of me at the bottom of the stairs, not turned on. (Could have trod on a fucking Lego cube but didn’t.)

Kitchen, light switch by the door as you enter the kitchen. I walk over to the sink (on the opposite side of the kitchen, near the back door.)

Now if this were a movie that I was narrating this would be where you see me reach into the cupboard (missing my head by a pubic hair) and half effetely pulling out a pint glass. And then * pause movie*

Some idiot (that would be me) had piled two small glasses on top of each other. I reach out and hold the top of the top glass thinking it is a pint glass.

*Un-pause movie* The bottom glass falls out from the not so great air lock of the top glass, falling on to the corner of the sink, (Now my bob cat reactions are non existent so I just watch it bounce off the sink corner) and then over the side falling 3 feet down onto the ceramic tile kitchen floor.

Could be because it was the dead of night that it sounded like I had taken a hammer to the back window but it was an ear piercing shattering of glass. I think I may have woken my children and my neighbours up. I stand still thinking – fuck.

I am barefoot. It’s dark, I can’t see fuck all and the broken glass is all over the kitchen floor but I can not see it. I won’t tell you how long I stood there pondering what I should do.  Now say it with me ….

SHOULD HAVE TURNED THE FUCKING LIGHT ON YOU STUPID COW